daripada dipost di friendster, mendingan dipost disini

001.Your Name: felicia
002.Nicknames: felicia
003.Married: not yet. well, no.
004.Zodiac sign: taurus
005.Male or Female: female
006.Age: 17 years and 7 months and 13 days right now
007.Highschool: dian harapan
008.College: hopefully ITB!
009.Residence: here, not there
010.Hair color: black...i want it absolutely black.
011.Long or shorthair: long
012.Smoke: smoking is for losers.
013.Drink: i don't drink.
014.Available: only for cute people. XDXDXDXD
015.Are you a health freak?: yes. you name it.
016.Height: 5'2"
017.Do u have a crush on someone?: i don't have
018.Do u like yourself?: yes, but there are ups and downs
019:Piercings: ordinary piercing on both left and rght earlobe
020.Tattoos: no tatoos.
021:Righty or lefty: righty
022:First Surgery: never done a surgery.
023:First piercing: when i was really, really young
024:First best friend/s: them
025:First Award: something related to coloring pictures?
026:love cats?: HECK YES..........
027:First pet: fish
028:First Vacation: idoNTremember
029:First COncert: itwas about to be panic at the disco, but in the end it wasn't.
030.First crush: non-existing
049.Eating: eating junk...duh
050.Drinking alcohol: no.
052.Im about to: sleep
053.Listening to: religious song currently...
054.Food: CHEETOS
055.Drinks: mineral water
056.Colors: i love all colors
057.Number: no favorite number
YOUR FUTURE:
058.Want kids: i don't want to grow something inside my body. yuck. i would consider adopting though.
059want to get married?: 50:50. depends. 100% if i married a househusband
WHICH IS BETTER?
068.Lips or eyes: eyes .
069.Hugs or kisses: eww. depends who gives it, but no kisses!
070: SHorter or taller: i wish i were taller
072:Romantic or spontaneous?: meh
073: Nice stomach or nice arms: BOTH is mandatory
074:Sensitive or loud: pragmatic
075:Hook up or relationship: relationship .
HAVE YOU EVER:
079.Drank bubbles: what for? it is not tasty.
080.Lost glasses/contacts: i don't wear such things
081.Ran away from home: nope
082.Liked someone younger: meh, nope
083.Older: probably?
084.Broken someones heart: yes, maybe,
085.Been arrested: no.
086.Turned someone down: yes
087.Cried when someone died: yes
088.Liked a friend: yes
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
089.In yourself: yes
090.Miracles: not in those that arent coincidental or cannot be explained with logical deduction
091.Love at first sight: it's lust at first sight.
092.Heaven: i believe, but the real heaven is probably completely different from what human have been imagining now. human can't describe heaven.
093.Santa Claus: i know it is not exist, but i believe it
094.Sex on the first date: not even on the 5000th date. HA-HA!
095.The more u hate the more u love: in some condition, it is false.
096.Angels: duh. i don't know.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097.Is there one person you want to be with u right now?: no. my mom and dad are already here.
098.Had more than one boyfriend at a time?: never. one is sucky enough.
099.Do u believe in God?: yes, although i keep questioning about it...

rapor semester 1

lumayan memuaskan juga rapor gw (ehem) karena nilai pelajaran ipa gw naik jauh dari semester lalu. berkat bimbel yang secara ga langsung memaksa gw secara teratur belajar ama latihan soal~ XD mat 88, kimia 88, fsika 85, bio 84 (bimbel emang berguna buat orang2 kayak gw yang kemauannya besar tapi ga ada aksi) meskipun belom mencapai target nilai 90, tapi ya lumayan deh, setidaknya ada peningkatan...
angka 70an cuma 1. olahraga. bener2 menyebalkan. semester ini olahraganya ada senam lantai, ketahanan tubuh, lari, ama basket. rasanya sih yang bener2 gw buruk banget itu basket doang, yang lain relatif bagus dibanding kebanyakan orang, tapi nilainya kok dari jaman jebot 70 mulu. hahahahaahahahahahahahahahaha...
ada juga yang 70an sih, TIK. tapi 79 kan bisa dianggap 80.
gw uda kebat kebit juga ni TIK. jangan2 jelek, soalnya tugas gw bikin program kaga ada yang beres gara2 pelajaran komputer di hari selasa gw kadang ga masuk. eh sukur gurunya royal. hehehe.
yang turun juga ada sih. sejarah ppkn. waduh. bukannya maksud nggak nasionalis, nggak menghargai sejarah, atau ga menghargai negara. tapi intinya sih gw males banget belajar hapalan. bayangin, 1 bab bahannya bisa 30 halaman, tapi ntar di ulangan paling 7-8soal essay. kan cape? maunya langsung tau yang mana yang keluar di ulangan. hahahahahahahaha.
menurut gw, ppkn itu harusnya dibikin kayak pelajaran praktek aja. tau teori dari praktek. ngapain nilai ppkn 90 tapi orangnya ga nasionalis...
lalu french. ternyata meskipun aneh dan abstrak, gw bisa dapet 91 di rapor! wahahahaahhahahahahah!
rata2 total rapor gw 85. gw uda bisa ngirim buat persyaratan awal ikut seleksi tertulis beasiswa monbukagakusho tahun depan, apalagi kalo tahun depan lebih bagus lagi rapornya... XD huahahahaha gw banyak maunya...!

gothic lolita dress

haduh. gw lagi ngebet banget kepengen punya gothic lolita dress gara2 kemaren di ultah temen gw di gading, gw secara tidak sengaja melihat acara cosplay, termasuk stand-stand yang menjual barang-barang cosplay yang... KEREN ABIS!!! terutama dress2nya itu loh. bagus2 banget. jepang bngt. cuma lantaran keburu-buru, gw ga sempet mampir ke stand2 itu bahkan buat sekadar nanya harga. nyeselllll...banget! soalnya ga setahun sekali gw liat ada yang jual dress kayak gitu. di dept store biasa ga bakalan ada deh kecuali trend baju kayak gitu uda jadi pasaran banget.



gambar-gambar hasil khayalan gw...

keseharian gw sih ga ada imut2nya shg cocok disebut lolita samasekali, tapi gw fanatik ama segala sesuatu yang:
1. berbau antik
2. berenda
3. gothic
makanya gw rela tampil cewek banget demi mengekspresikan fanatisme gw sama hal-hal di atas o_O gw suka dress yang kayak boneka perancis. gw suka dress yang ada pita plus rendanya. gw suka dress yang macem di atas daridulu, lalu kebetulan yang begini2 jadi trend di jepang XD
sejau ini gw browse di internet di indonesia rata2 barang begini dijual di toko online, atau pesen langsung ke orangnya (online juga!). bukannya apa, tapi gw belom punya nyali buat pesen online. bisa resah gelisah gw kalo barangnya ga nyampe2. kita semua tau indonesia belom punya hukum yang jelas yang ngatur perdagangan secara online. Lalu masalah budget. klo uda di atas 300k, uda ga bisa bayar deh gw... (huahahahahahahahahhaha...)
bingung juga sih kalo uda beli. mau dipake kemana hayoo? buat cosplay2 jelas sulit karena siapa yang mao nganterin dan nemenin gw cosplay! mau dipake ke kondangan ama pesta ultah temen...tapi jarang2 doang, jadi sayang juga sih! tapi gimana dong, gw seneng sih... o_o

rencana liburan

berhubungan gw bener2 ga punya kegiatan berguna liburan ini, gw berencana menjalankan hidup berkualitas yang ga gw dapet selama berbulan2 penderitaan bersekolah... huahahaha... maunya sih, pertama-tama tentunya tidur cukup di jam yang wajar. misalnya jam 11 malem uda tidur, begitu! lalu jam 7 uda bangun lagi. lalu begitu bangun olahraga setengah jam.
habis olahraga jelas mandi. lalu sarapan pagi. sarapan paginya juga yang beres, pake makan buah segala dong! trus... ngapain ya? yah, pokoknya jangan sampe ga karuan kayak ngemilin cheetos atau sejenisnya deh...mungkin latihan main biola *uhm.uhuk uhuk.* atau melukis... *uhuk!!!!!!!!* trus sblm makan siang makan buah lagi. abis makan siang, belajar mat smpe sore sampe gila! (... jadi ini yang namanya hidup BERKUALITAS?) demi masuk itb!
sore makan buah lagi (ceritanya mau ngikutin codot yang makanin buah di pohon orang) trus sblm jam 5 uda makan sore supaya jam 6 bisa lanjutin olahraga sesi ke 2!
selanjutnya mo online kek, apa kek, terserah...
tapi apa tahan gw kyk begitu 3 minggu! BWAKAKAKAKAKAKAKKAAKKAAKKAAKAKKAAKAKKAA...

try out III

mau nulis jadi lupa. try out usm-itb yg dari QUIN gw urutan 3 dari 1000an manusia... horeeeee XD kali ini ga pake nyontek!
meskipun urutan 3, nilai gw belon lewat passing grade untuk jurusan teknik kimia... --"
passing grade nya 70%, sedangkan gw masih 52%...
TBS, bhs igrs, ama ipa terpadu gw uda lumayan, TBS slh 13 dari 45 soal, bhs igrs slh 1nomer doang, ipa terpadu 47 poin, tapi mat dasarnya wuihhhh...berantakan! urutan 1 mat dasarnya 121poin, sedangkan gw cuma seperempatnya lebih dikit... ckckck...

(mat dasar nya bener2 kebanting banget...)

ini artinya liburan natal ini gw harus bagusin matematika gw...! O_o

bingung?

bingung? BANGET

tadi gw uda bikin account buat USM ITB, uda ngisi2 form nama, alamat, nilai SDPA, sampe bolak balik gangguin orangtua di kamar sebelah buat nanyain kota tempat lahir (wew, ternyata jakarta itu ada utara-barat-selatan-timur-pusat ya!), nanyain nama walinya siapa, nanya2in nilai SDPA yang 'pantas'... trus taunya ngisi form nya mentok di pilihan jurusan. HAHH??
pilihan pertama, oke, teknik kimia di FTI. udah klop. ga bisa diganggu gugat pokoknya. trus pilihan keduanya mau diisi apa ngga, gw belom mikirin (sebetulnya uda mikirin tapi ujungnya belom ketemu2) apa ya? apa dong? orangtua dan kawan2 bilang arsitektur aja.
tapi gw nya sendiri ga sreg... emang sih gw suka ngegambar. atau gambar gw lumayan, atau apalah. tapi bukan berarti gw mau profesi yang berhubungan dengan ngegambar dong. betul?
pertama; gw tipe seniman yang angot2an kalo kerja. kalo lagi punya ide ya ngegambar. kalo ga punya ide? boro2 bakal ngegambar. malesssss. dan punya idenya cuma sekali dalam berbulan-bulan pula.
kedua; gw juga bukan tipe orang yang seneng diatur orang lain kalau menggambar. misalnya gw jadi arsitek. trus kliennya cerewet, mau begini, begitu, dll tralala trilili padahal...gt deh. pokoknya ikutin maunya bos klien deh. nah gini yang gw paling males. mana asik ngerancang kalo diatur2 orang lain! cih! buat gw, arsitektur itu karya seni. karya seni yang baik itu seharusnya hasil ekspresi senimannya sendiri.nah itu menurut gw...
lalu yang paling penting, gw ga yakin gw bisa berkontribusi ke masyarakat melalui bidang ini. tentu saja ada jalan buat berkontribusi di segala bidang, tapi buat gw SEPERTINYA bukan melalui bidang ini. mungkin...

kalo dipikir2 emang enak sih belajar arsitektur karena gimanapun gw uda ada dasar menggambarnya dan ngegambar juga salah satu hobi gw (meskipun angot2an) tapi ya itu lah,...
rasanya terlalu sayang kalau kolom pilihan 2 gw kosongin. dengan mengosongkan pilihan ke 2, gw uda membunuh satu kesempatan gw buat keterima di ITB. tapi kalopun gw isi pilihan ke 2 nya sekolah arsitektur, lalu ternyata gw keterimanya di arsitektur bukan teknik kimia, gw pun belom begitu yakin dan rela buat ngejalaninnya...

wew, payah deh!

apa iya tes IQ itu akurat

3SmartCubes.com - IQ Test

dari funeducation.com : 129


Free-IQTest.net - Online IQ Test

hasil tes resmi di sekolah
tahun sekian sekian --130
tahun 2002--140
tahun 2004--118
tahun 2006--124

hasil tes online yang nilainya 90 juga ada...!

jelas terbukti kalo tes IQ itu ga meaning n ga berguna...huahahahhahaahhahaha...

dammit!

dammit... i have a crush on someone i barely met. nah.

he has my msn, but he hasn't added me yet. i suppose he is only going online in the weekend? duh. i have been being nervous for these 4 days.

first time i met this person, i didn't notice him until he approached my friend(a guy friend) who sat beside him. his team opposed mine in the semifinal. yet mine beated his.
i couldnt help but overheard what they're talking. errr. his name is...nah no need to be written here. his location is at...no need to be written here. then he asked my name. we talked too. then i found out that we planned to go to the same college next year, within the industrial technology department.
he said funny things i couldn't tell here. then he asked our team to be photographed. he took one or two pictures of us and said thank you.

then our chit-chatting had to stop because our team had to compete in the final session. then his team leaved. but his team (and him of course) was back soon to watch the final session! O_o
Our team was in the downside of the hill when this person stood up and yelled my team's name without shame.

then i noticed him. he's really cute with his glasses, that rather tanned skin, and sweet mixed face (you couldn't determine whether he's a chinese or an indonesian, that makes him really cute) and things he did and said are also really cute!!! >.<''

but when the final session was over, his team already leaved to their hometown.

and now, i am feeling like banging my head to the walls for being so stupid, not asking for his number nor msn nor whatever that makes me now like dumb cow waiting for him to add the msn.
dammit!

i just hope that he doesn't have any girlfriend,... (it will eventually broke my heart)and i hope next year we can meet o_o; pleasepleasepleaseplease oh please!

juara 3 nasional!

akhirnya sekali selama masa sekolah gw, gw punya prestasi nasional!
T.T (terharu...)
meskipun cuma juara 3...
tapi kan lumayan. daripada engga samasekali. hahahahahahahaha. waktu awalnya dikirim buat ikut lomba teknologi pangan di IPB tgl 15-16 november bareng 2 orang temen gw sih ga ada niat buat menang. yah. kita udah dikasitau dari 2 minggu sebelonnya kalo bakal ada lomba teknologi pangan.
itu setelah sekolah gw mengirimkan partai besar buat ikut pesta sains IPB dan dari partai besar itu, cuma 1 tim yang lolos ke semifinal. ancur2an. sia-sia gw belajar biologi seminggu penuh......(salah sendiri ikutnya biologi)

kita baru bener2 yakin kalo lomba pangan jadi kita ikutin 1 hari sebelonnya. jadilah kita dikasiin buku buat dibaca di rumah. itu juga pulang sekolah gw masi sempet ke giant buat cari jam jengkol yg warnanya norak2 (lg ngetrend di kalangan anak SD...)
sampe di rumah hr jumat itu gw olahraga, makan, ntn the simpsons... trus online. ceritanya sih mau cari soal latian buat lomba besoknya. eh malah keterusan nongkrong di yahoo!answer... jadilah gw baru bc bku yg dikasi jam 10 maleman. uda setengah ketiduran pula. indahnya dunia!

besoknya pas berangkat juga kita tdr di mobil. pokoknya minim persiapan banget kalo dibandingin persiapan ikut pesta sains kemaren deh...

waktu penyisihan mao mulai, baru mulai paniknya. 'tekor juga nih kalo kita kagak lolos!' masing-masing dari kita mikir. sebel banget kalo kali ini ga lolos lagi.buang waktu. buang tenaga. apapun, asal jangan berhenti di babak penyisihan doang. waktu akhirnya diumumin lolos juga kita bengong sekaligus lega. kita batal pulang ke bekasi.trus ada perempat final. perempat final ini semacam lomba cepat tepat, ada pertanyaan mat, kimia, bio, fisika...
beruntung tim gw bertiga lengkap. ada yang pinter mat, fis, kimia bio...akhirnya lolos juga. suatu keajaiban kalo inget persiapan yang cuma 1 hari! tim-tim yang ga lolos waktu diminta komentar paling ngga pasti bilang: kami udah latihan sebulan..........weqz --"

benar-benar campur tangan tuhan. hari itu, kita ga nyangka bakal ga pulang ke bekasi. waktu datang hari itu, kita ga ada niatan mau masuk semifinal, suer. lolos penyisihan juga sukur. tapi malah lolos ke semifinal!

semifinal besoknya kita panas dingin. mubazir banget kalo ga lolos ke final! kita mesti lolos ke final! dan emang kita lolos. HAH!
gw masih inget jurinya bengong2 waktu tau persiapan kita cuma sehari. dan meskipun akhirnya final cuma juara 3 (ga nahan bo lawannya... SMAK 3, dan mereka udah belajar berbulan2) gw ama temen2 gw bangga banget. ini prestasi nasional. banyak peserta yang datang dari luar jawa. dan, ya ampun, persiapan kita cuma 1 hari! rasanya kok ajaib banget! ini kayak mimpi! tampar gw! cubit gw!

oke. rahasianya mungkin bukan bertapa selama 1 hari itu.
kebiasaan aneh gw membaca label-label makanan kemaren bener2 kepake banget.hahahahahahahhahahahaha! menyesalah orang yang ngatain gw aneh gara2 suka memperhatikan label makanan.
lalu manfaat baca koran dan hobi browsing artikel internet juga berasa banget waktu lomba kemaren. ternyata ga sia2 juga bokap gw masang internet di komputer gw! (jd kl buat gw sebetulnya persiapan ga cuma 1 hari doang...)

dan menyesalah yang bilang dian harapan cikarang itu sekolahan payah!

lalu temen gw anak olimpiade math. ini juga orang edan. soal baru ditampilin di layar, dia udah bisa tau jawabannya. sret. ga pernah salah lagi! huahahaha. dia berkontribusi besar buat menjawab soal-soal kalkulus yg kalo gw itung sendiri tentu ga bakal secepet itu. yg lucu itu ekspresi juri kalo temen gw ini jawab soal: muka jurinya dengan jelas mengatakan 'gila! masa dia uda ketemu jawabannya!'. dan membuat peserta lain shock berat gara-gara ga punya celah buat nyela tim gw di soal mat. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAA!!!!!
begitupun adek kelas gw yang fisikanya jauh lebih oke daripada kita kakak-kakak kelasnya......................................................................
klop. dulu juga pernah ada lomba, dan kita bertiga dalam 1 tim. menang juga! kyknya emang klop dipasang bareng2.

meskipun duit hadiahnya buat sekolah, tapi gw ama temen2 gw bener2 bangga bisa bikin prestasi terakhir (yang paling membanggakan) di akhir masa SMA...
(melanjutkan rasa terharu)

hiks...

minority

i don't know. i just need to blabber around here because i have so many to be told.
My friends and i are minority in my class. minority. my peer group consists of 5 girls (six actually, but we're eventually rethinking to count this one too) and we're not all in the same class. three (duh. four?) of us in this class, and the rest goes into that class (completely confidential...). in THAT class, both my friends have no difficulties to blend in. but three of us in THIS class, completely a minority in this class. luckily, we still go along with the majority of this class although we're the type who don't stand out very much.
we're the type who always make our own group, having our own atmosphere, complaining silently if there's anything unpleasant but never complaining about the same things with the majority, and creating our own happiness.
i don't understand why we can't blend into the majority.
even if we can, we don't want to. i never understand the majority. seems like we live in a different world, and we're talking about different things. the boys are talking dirty, and so are the girls. they talk and laugh at things that we think are not funny at all. the girls are pretending to hate the jokes by saying 'what? eey, that's dirty!', but their faces and gestures say 'that's funny. repeat it again.' we find those are disgusting. We would really love to see them laugh frankly at things they think are funny even if those things are inappropriate for educated people to say, because what makes it truly disgusting is the way those girls cover their faces to still be seen as good girls who are not related to dirty jokes. there is even a girl who pretends to know nothing about those things while actually she's the greatest expert of......we know it. they don't need to put on their poker faces.
this is not a generalization, because there are only 15 students in this class. and 3 people really are a minority.
the second reason is we're afraid to go too near with the girls. we have seen one girl that is being disliked very much in this class. in front of this girl, the rest of girls in this class acts friendly like they have nothing against her. but when she leaves, they mock her and badmouth her. girls can be really cruel. we're so tired seeing this scenery. we're watching, but say nothing in reply to their gossips. there was also another girl that they're talking about in the english class. they gathered together while the teacher was not around to talk bad about her; who was absence in sick. they were talking the truth, but the day after they behaved as if there was nothing wrong with the absence girl. we have seen this hypocricy repeatedly, including to teacher. they behave like teacher's pet in front of this teacher, but as the teacher turned over they mock the teacher. sometimes they even invite us to do it too. we're sick of it. we're afraid to be too close to them, because we're afraid they do the same thing to us. we just can't believe them after what they have done. they are such a bunch of hypocrites. we would really love them if they can be honest. say, if you hate someone, behave like you really mean it. don't sugarcoat it. that hurts more. personally i would prefer to be mocked in front of my face rather than have friends who mock me on my back. i would love them to death even if they mock me.
the atmosphere of my class is not too fresh. there is a smell of silent; unhealthy competition inside the class. their faces show expressions as if they don't care about their grades, but atmosphere can't lie. this class is a favorite class with long record of awesome grades. failing grades are almost a shame. because of this, some of them don't mind to cheat. there are two types. some of them still cheats with pride. which is i mean they feel ashamed to be seen cheating so they do it without being known. then they declare the cheating results as their own results. very good. the second type are shameless in cheating. they frankly ask about last day's exam problems together with the answers. anything for good grades. they 'open-mindedly' open their books while doing the exam. they create codes. they force me to sit in particular place to give them answer. well, practically anything.
they get good grades indeed, but what does it mean? great nothing.
i didn't attend the class for one week, preparing for some competition. when i was back in the class, i realized i understand nothing about the topic currently being taught. one of the girl, who often got her cheats from me spoke: ha-ha. felice didn't know anything!
that was not funny.
well, she doesn't mean to mock me, of course. she has no guts to mock me. what could she do without me, looking another friend who wants to give her answers? sure even now i wouldn't give my answers to her. but i often catch her speaks about me in that way. if there is a problem we both can't solve, or if there is something we sucked on it she always tell other people proudly then ask for my own reassurement: even felice can't solve it. or even felice like this, like that... right felice?
what is it? trying to discover my imperfections? i'm not perfect indeed. i don't need her to tell people that i am indeed not perfect.
none of us is willing to ask teacher anymore while there is something we don't understand. i asked my physics teacher once yesterday about things i don't understand, but before my teacher got his chance to answer, most of my classmates were already noisy, turning their head to me, trying to explain the answer of my question together which were actually not helping at all. 'felice, the reason of blah is blah...' while another say 'you don't understand? that's blah, blah,...' and the others say almost the same things.......
i respect their attempts to help me. but PLEASE. i'm asking the TEACHER. ...this class is weird, plain weird.
my friends in minority looked at me in weird way, saying: isnt the teacher suppossed to answer? what's wrong with them?
once, long ago, i also had asked a question in chemistry class and someone answered it before the teacher did. then my chemistry teacher said: shut up; she is asking me, not you!
the class bursted into laughter. i thought that was pretty funny. oh. if only every teacher says that thing...

...
after writing these things, i really feel proud being a minority. being different is a challenge. not everybody can do it...

a visit

this is my english writing test.

Do you believe that people who are near death can wander around, visiting their relatives or friends to tell a message? There are so many stories like this around the world. Some people believe it, and some people don’t. I never had believed in this kind of thing before. It can’t be proved by logical method, although it’s very interesting for lunch gossip topic to TV programs that specially focused on unsolved mysteries with their eerie hosts. But one day, my disbelief disappeared.
It was a hot afternoon in April. I was still in fourth or fifth grade. My mom asked me to accompany her to my grandmother’s house. My granda was already passed away back then, so the house was left undwelled. It would be soon sold to a buyes, so it had to be cleaned. My grandma’s house wasn’t so far from the house I was living in at the moment. It’s as near as Dian Harapan School to the gate of Taman Beverli, so we went by feet.
After a while, my mom and I arrived there. The house was still the same like the last time I visited it. It was a typical house with white painted walls, dark front door and window frames, with skimpy front yard as a bonus. Looking at it brought back memories about my grandma. Those memories were not vivid, they blurred like stained glass though. My mom opened the gate and talked to me, “You sit here on the porch, and I will go inside. I will call you if I need your help, okay?”
So I was all alone sitting on the porch. It was not fun sitting on the porch doing nothing. I’d prefer to be at home, playing the famous game console PlayStation. (PlayStation was a really popular idol among the students beyond anything. I couldn’t help it). I looked aroud. The neighborhood was really peaceful. My grandma’s porch felt like lakeside resort. Sun shone brightly, wind blew peacefully. As a kid with overactive imagination, I fell into a daydreaming phase.
Then suddenly, came from nowhere, an unknown, high pitched woman voice interrupted my daydreaming phase. It called my name in more of an asking tone, “Felicia? Felicia?”
Maybe my mom needed me inside. Maybe she needed my help. I got up from the porch. I was going to enter the house when I heard that high pitched woman voice talked again.
“Felicia? Would you come over here for a moment?”
Then I noticed some things. My mom’s voice was not high pitched like that although they sounded similar. Who else was inside the house? The voice didn’t sound like it’s from inside the house anyway. It felt…weird. Probably my mom was trying to make fun of me by talking with high pitched voice like that…
“Mom? Are you trying to scare me?”
No reply. But soon after that, the high pitched woman voice talked once more, “Felicia… Come over here. I have cakes for you…”
Suddenly the neighborhood became really silent as if it was a dead town, dead as a corpse, as if I was alone, really alone in that neighborhood. It felt more like I was the only living thing in that neighborhood. There was not even any sparrow or any cat passing in the neighborhood.
A moment later, in the silence wind with creepy blowing sound blew into me. The trees waved. I looked around.
In seconds, panick attack has taken over my mind. There was indeed something wrong! I knew it! Fear crept fast to the top of my backspine. I screamed and rushed to the gate of the house. I didn’t care that the gate was locked. In fact, I cared about nothing but to escape. I just wanted to go as far as I can make from that house, though it meant I had to jump over the fence. And I did.
Hearing me screamed my mom went out hurriedly to see what happened. She saw that I was outside the gate and stood astonished. I remembered she asked me, “What have gotten into you, screaming like crazy?”
I would feel so stupid for jumping over the fence and screaming if that high pitched voice was actually my mom’s, trying to scare me. I told what I just experienced to my mom. But unexpectedly, she shook her head in disbelief. “I didn’t hear anything. Really.” That’s what she said. “Probably you were daydreaming.”
In the night, one of mom’s relative phoned my house. She phoned to bring news that my grandma’s sister had passed away that afternoon. When she heard my story, she was sure it was the voice of my grandma’s sister. The high pitched woman voice. She came to visit me. Or did I foresee her death?
I suddenly felt cold when I realized that several days before her death my parents visited her. She said to my mom she wanted to meet me.

nyontek lagi yaa...

gw mao ngaku dosa.
gw janji ga bakal nyontek lagi try out bulan depan.

rasanya setelah itu ... rasa dosa banget! (y ampun...ternyata gw masih punya rasa dosa)

sabtu kemaren gw ada try out spmb dari tempat les gw. 7 orang dari angkatan gw ikut itu try out. satu ruangan. ga ada yang jaga. suer. akhirnya ya, bisa ditebak. kerja sama dong!
cuma 2 orang yang bener2 ga terlibat dalam konspirasi kita berlima.betul kan? 7 kurang 2 kan 5.
temen gw yg satu kerjain mat, yg satu fisika, bertukar bahasa ind, bertukar igrs, dan gw kerjain kimia sambil bertukar dengan matematika (well...rumus mat kelas 10-11 uda kedelete trus overlap sama rumus2 kimia fisika!) temen di sebelah gw malah uda ga pake permisi langsung nyalin jawaban gw ke kertasnya sendiri. bener2 ga etis tuh.
setelah setengah jalan menyalin matematika (ga semua, yang bner2 gw gatau doang!) tiba2 'dheg'!
otak gw bicara sama gw: lo ngapain? nyontek lagi? kenapa?

*suara2 di otak gw bener2 hiperaktif...*

aduh. gw paling ga tahan sama suara otak gw sendiri. Mungkin ini yang namanya Tuhan melihat, Tuhan tidak setuju, lalu Tuhan berbicara. tepat melalui otak gw. Tuhan marah gara2 gw punya otak bagus2 eh malah minta punya orang.
jadi gw balikin lembar jawab temen gw. dia nanya, 'lo uda selesai nyalinnya?'
yah, anggap aja udah............
gw lirik temen gw yang 2 orang, yang ga terlibat konspirasi. mereka kerjain soal dengan tekun. dan GA PAKE KONSPIRASI. meskipun jawabannya banyak yang bolong2.
saat itu gw bener2 jadi malu sama diri sendiri. malu sama mereka. kok mental gw ga sehebat mereka? kok gw ga punya integritas? kok gw ikut2an yang sesat? ini kan try out. bayar. buat mengetahui kesempatan lolos seseorang ke jurusan yang dia mau. buat latihan. buat tau kekurangan dan kelebihan orang dimana. buat simulasi spmb. bukan buat 5 orang. tes spmb kan sendiri2...
apa iya gw ga ngerasa yakin bisa lolos, jadi kerjasama? apa iya gw ga bener2 niat lolos jadi punya pikiran try out mah BOLEH NYONTEK.
gw bener2 malu. boleh aja try out ga bisa, tapi kalo sampe try out gw lewat passing grade, harga diri gw turun abis2an. kenapa? lolosnya gw dri passing grade itu menyatakan 'nih, lo kagak bisa lolos kalo ga pake kerjasama. mampus lo'. jauh lebih mending gw ga lolos try out tapi kerja jujur. ga lolosnya gw itu bakal menyatakan 'ayo naikin lagi nilainya. belajar lagi.'


ga. gw yakin lolos pake otak gw sendiri. gw ga butuh pinjeman otak orang lain waktu ujian. dan gw bener2 niat lolos. gw harus lolos.

apapun yang terjadi. gw ga boleh kerjasama lagi. kalo sampe gw nyontek atau kerjasama di try out, biar gw ga usah kuliah di itb... (well, klo ini dilanggar, bisa bawa kutukan spt yg gw sebutkan di atas)

susah sih. pertama2 4 orang itu temen2 gw semua. duduknya 1 ruangan. sederetan lagi. dan belon berapa menit mulai, pasti uda ada yang nyeletuk 'aduh gw ga bisa nih.'
lalu kelanjutannya 'nomor ini, ini, dan ini jawabannya apa sih?'
ngomong ga pake bisik2.
betul2 godaan.

apapun, pokoknya gw ga mau ikut kerjasama lagi...
kalo perlu gw kerjainnya sambil denger lagu metal di iPod!

pertanyaan-pertanyaan tidak terjawab -_-" omongan ngawur pukul 2 pagi bagian I

bagian otakmu yang mana yang paling dominan? kanan? kiri?
otak kiri: logika, konkrit, matematis
otak kanan: abstrak, imajinatif, berkaitan dengan emosi
dalam masalah kemampuan akademis, otak kanan-kiri gw nyaris berimbang. sains-logika? oke.visual art? oke. gw sangat menghargai art. bangun ruang? oke. olahraga? oke banget dong. bahasa? oke. yang bener2 payah itu musik.
di luar itu, otak kiri gw lebih dominan.
gw punya semua ciri dari orang berotak kiri, termasuk kecendrungan buat bertindak tanpa perasaan. segala hal gw pikirin. kata tanya favorit gw itu 'mengapa' dan 'bagaimana' meskipun pertanyaan2 di otak gw itu belom semuanya kejawab. pokoknya logika. logika nomer 1. di luar logika seakan semua salah. gw kurang gitu bisa menerima sesuatu yang abstrak. misalnya pelajaran agama. trus pelajaran biologi yang baru-baru ini tentang metabolisme, dan menurut gw itu abstrak bgt dan dengan alasan ini sebaiknya gw ngga jadi dokter...daripada ntar waktu kuliahnya gw terus-terusan ganggu dosen dengan pertanyaan 'kok gitu sih pak/bu? tau darimana? yakin tuh?' dan gw ngga terganggu terus-terusan dengan jawaban 'ya emang darisononya!' trus jadinya gw ga belajar kan repot.
gw bener2 seneng memperhatikan segala hal. gw butuh alasan dari setiap kejadian. misalnya darimana orang liat kalo air itu ada hidrogen dan oksigennya? darimana tau kalo elektron di cincin benzena bisa pindah2? gimana caranya mobil bisa jalan? kok bisa manusia punya banyak bahasa yang kompleks? gimana caranya jagad raya terbentuk? kok bisa ada manusia di bumi? kok bisa begini, begitu... salah satu teori konspirasi gw yang uda gw patenkan adalah virus asalnya dari luar angkasa. gw yakin! lalu gw juga yakin ada makhluk hidup lain yang setingkat manusia di suatu tempat di jagad dan pararel lain. alien itu ada! ADA!
gw punya beberapa buku yang isinya kumpulan pertanyaan2 aneh dengan jawaban aneh2nya.bagus kan. gw punya minat buat jadi tau. berbakat jadi researcher. mungkin detektif. banyak juga pertanyaan-pertanyaan gw yang ga bisa dijawab. agama gw kristen. tapi secara gw kurang gt bisa berpikir abstrak, bidang religi ini jadi sasaran empuk untuk bahan pertanyaan-pertanyaan gw. misalnya, kenapa orang bisa percaya sama tulisan2 alkitab, artefak ribuan tahun yang penulisnya bahkan banyak yg ga jelas siapa? gimana kalo artefak itu dulu cuma semacam novel bersambung yang ngetrend di kalangan anak2 muda pada masanya? atau kalo katanya orang yang percaya yesus itu masuk surga. gimana dengan orang-orang yang memang ga pernah kenal samasekali sama Yesus (gw ga mau jawaban makanya sebarkanlah injil). nih, kalo menurut sejarah kan injil yesus disebarkan di awal tahun2 masehi. tapi transpor dan media komunikasi di jaman itu apaan sih. kan ga bisa langsung JREEEEENGGGG 1 dunia tau semua ttg injil. emang kayak sekarang, bisa langsung internetan. trus gimana dengan orang2 jaman itu di belahan bumi lain yang keburu tamat sebelum penyebaran injil sampe ke tempatnya? mereka masuk neraka, gitu? sial amat! lalu gimana dengan warga-warga suku pedalaman yang masih primitif? gimana dengan orang-orang yang mengalami cacat yang menghambat kemampuan berpikir secara total? masa mereka semua masuk neraka?
di antara temen2 sekelas gw yang sama2 kristen, kayaknya gw yang pertanyaannya paling ngawur2 meskipun pertanyaan2 ini ga pernah gw ungkap ke temen2 sekelas gw. kalo gw ungkap mungkin temen2 gw pada shock. gw bisa jadi satu-satunya ateis di kelas. gw ga mau jadi ateis, tapi kalo gini terus lama2 gw bisa ateis... -_-"
apa iya agama itu lebih tinggi dari logika? atau manusia sengaja didoktrin seperti itu? banyak pemikiran2 gw yang sebaiknya bahkan ga ditulis disini karena offensif buat sebagian orang.
gw mikir segala sesuatu ada alasannya, dan hal-hal yang kelihatannya belum bisa dibuktikan kebenarannya berarti butuh penelitian lebih lanjut. beginilah otak kiri yang jauh lebih dominan. dan apakah orang2 berotak kiri lainnya sengaja menekan rasa penasarannya untuk mencari alasan dibalik setiap kejadian untuk bisa beragama?
apa bisa logika dan agama berjalan serasi?

jangan salah. gw percaya Tuhan itu ada. pasti ada. hanya gw ga gitu yakin dengan agama2 yang digunakan untuk mencapai Tuhan dan persepsi gw tentang Tuhan agak berbeda dengan yang selama ini didoktrinkan ke gw.
satu yang pasti gw ga percaya dari alkitab: perempuan diciptakan dari tulang rusuk laki-laki. yang bener aja. ini dongeng! atau paling ngga, kiasan.
apa dosa kalo ada bagian alkitab yang gw ga percaya ky gt?

dan lain lain, lain, lain, lain................................................

kalo presentasi jangan norak

kelas gw bukan kelas yang jelek2 banget. isinya anak pinter dan rajin belajar semua (termasuk gw dong...)
sebetulnya lumayan kompak malah. tapi namanya kelas lah. ada satu kekurangan kelas gw yang lumayan menyebalkan. di jam presentasi. apalagi presentasi pelajaran-pelajaran semacam pkn, sejarah, agama...
jam presentasi tugas itu jam paling panjang.
biasanya guru sejarah/pkn gw ngasih tugas diskusi kelompok, nanti hasil diskusinya dipresentasikan ke depan kelas. audiens boleh nanya, aturannya makin banyak nanya makin plus-plus nilainya. disini nih yang payah. anak2 kelas gw bersemangat banget buat dapet nilai plus2. mereka suka sengaja banget nanya-nanya ke orang yang presentasi. mending pertanyaannya mutu. kadang orang presentasi 3 menit doang bahannya dikit, sesi pertanyaannya bisa 10 menit lebih. jadinya lebih mirip debat sebetulnya.

presentasi di kelas= debat. debat di kelas=ajang saling menjatuhkan

buat gw, yang dipresentasiin uda jelas n ga perlu dipertanyakan lagi. jadi ngapain ditanyain?
bukan cuma gw yang mikir gini. tanpa ada perjanjian tertulis, kelas gw otomatis sepakat kalo penanya dalam ajang presentasi disebut 'penyerang'.
kebanyakan penanya menanyakan sesuatu yang udah jelas kebenaranya dan sebetulnya dia sendiri uda tau jawabannya atau malah ga penting buat ditanyain. kayak kmaren.contoh kecil aja. demi poin, temen gw tunjuk tangan n nanya 'apa arti kapitalisme?' bukannya itu sama aja sama nanya 'ikan hidup dimana?' emang kita kelas berapa sampe kapitalisme doang kita mesti nanya maksudnya apa? apa ga malu nanya kayak gitu?
males banget kan. lain soal kalo yang nanya tapi uda tau jawaban itu gurunya (itu kan tugas guru buat menguji murid...)
penanya2 ini, temen2 sekelas dari orang malang yang presentasi di depan dengan kejamnya mencari celah kesalahan kata2 atau kesalahan apa saja dalam presentasi dan menyebutkannya dengan lantang untuk membuat diri sendiri kelihatan pintar (dengan poin plus juga). misalnya,

penanya: kok kejadian x dianggap menguntungkan?
presenter: hm...sebentar... karena kejadian x itu membuat bla3 jadi bla3, sehingga bla3.
penanya: tapi di kalimat anda yang sebelumnya anda mengatakan ble3 ble3, kok sekarang berubah jadi bla3 bla3?
presenter: eh... itu...begini loh (keringat dingin)
penanya: harusnya kejadian x dianggap menguntungkan karena ini, itu, ini, itu, bukan karena ble3 atau bla3!

sampe situ, tok. masih wajar sih. koreksi biasa kan? jadi orang harus mau dikoreksi. dan emang gampang buat koreksi orang lain.
masalahnya, selanjutnya apapun yang dikatakan sama presenter selalu disanggah, dibantah, dan diprotes sama penanya sampe presenter bengong secara abis ngasi koreksian itu penanya ga berhenti2 nanya hal2 lain yang berhubungan dengan pertanyaan pertama. sejujur2nya, muka penanya2 ini jadi keliatan 100x lebih nyolot dari biasanya kalo lagi nanya2. terutama senyum2nya. senyum puas penuh kemenangan dengan ekspresi muka 'poin gw makin banyak deh!'
jelas2. koreksi terhadap presentasi bukan untuk membuka kebenaran. koreksilah orang lain kalo mau dapet poin!
apa segitu pentingnya nilai plus sampe orang rela ngejatohin temennya sendiri? apa gurunya nyadar dy ngasih nilai berdasarkan mampu tidaknya muridnya menjatuhkan temennya sendiri? kenapa penanya2 ini bertindak seakan2 mereka lebih pinter dari yang presentasi? kampungan banget!
gw juga ambisius kayak mereka2, gw pengen dapet poin bagus juga, tapi ga gitu caranya...gw sih malu dapet poin bagus dari hasil nginjek2 orang lain...poin haram! ARGH! racun! bertobatlah kalian semua! belajar dari buku 'how to properly behave and grow good manners in a panel discussion' (kayaknya ga ada buku kek gitu)


yah...
mungkin lebih baik daripada yang presentasi di depan dicuekin...

french...francais, furansugo, bahasa perancis, pelajaran paling susah

di kelas 3 ini gw dapet mata pelajaran baru yang mengejutkan. bahasa perancis.
sebelumnya di sekolah gw perancis cuma buat anak2 ips. anak2 ipa ga dikasih perancis karena pelajarannya udah padat banget...dan kayaknya memang ga ada hubungannya sama ipa deh. sekarang gw heran, kenapa baru kelas 3 ini bahasa perancis diadakan? untuk mengisi kekosongan jam?
gw pikir bahasa perancis itu keren. artistik. rasanya 'mewah' gimana gitu...lidah keriting, bunyi sengau, penulisan artistik... negaranya pun keren! lagian keren kalo gw bisa bahasa perancis juga. gw jadi bisa 4 bahasa. inggris, indonesia, jepang, perancis.
tadinya bahasa perancis cuma ekskul pilihan. gw pernah ikut semester 2 kemaren, tapi gara2 olimpiade akhinya gw ngga ada dasar apa-apa buat belajar perancis....bwaahhaahhaahaha. akhirnya minggu lalu gw dengan antusias masuk ke kelas bahasa perancis.

ternyata keluar-keluar dari kelas perancis gw sakit kepala...

gw ga ngerti gurunya ngomong apa, dan mau nanya pun gw bingung mau nanya apa kecuali 'gimana kalo diulang semua miss?' yang mungkin bakal bikin miss nya melotot ke gw sambil bilang 'yang bener aja kamu!' gw emang ga bakal fokus kalo pelajaran2 uda gini rumit. tau2 bisa 'ngilang' sendiri gw dan begitu sadar: hah? apaan tuh?
parah parah. menurut gw, bahasa perancis ini bahasa paling susah yang pernah gw coba pelajarin. tata bahasanya rumit kebanyakan aturan, ada bahasa feminine dan masculine, kata kerja regular yang sebetulnya ga ada regular-regularnya (apalagi yg iregular), cara baca yang mengusutkan lidah dan pikiran, sekaligus kaset percakapan yang kedengaran kayak direkam dari dunia lain... alemongadeuwuitongmadmosee? wahai, bertobatlah yang menciptakan bahasa ini!
memang gw ga gitu minat banget di bidang ginian kecuali gw emang butuh. bakat gw juga bukan di bidang bahasa...

BUKTI KONGKRIT: gw ngerasa lebih sakit kepala waktu keluar dari ruang bahasa perancis dibandingin sama waktu keluar dari ruang math.

pelajaran perancis juga jadi waktu yg tepat untuk merenungkan semua impian2 gw... (sama kayak di pelajaran pkn)
... butuh bakat bahasa yg besar buat mengerti bahasa perancis...

siapa bilang pelajaran bahasa itu gampang?

berhari-hari setelah pelajaran perancis berlalu, rekaman kaset percakapannya masih melekat di otak gw (meskipun gw ngga ngerti apa yang dipercakapkan)


minggu depan ada quiz pula...duh, tak tahan! malas kali! tak usahlah kuis kuisan...

it's chemical engineering.

i have the insight that i have to be a chemical engineer!

really. it is suddenly like BANG! be a chemical engineer.
this could be God's answer to my parents' prayer, or maybe the answer to my own prayer. (this proves God really exists) it's the feel that maybe i can contribute to the society in this field.

so now, my first choice is chemical engineering degree, and the other alternatives are medical science and mechanical engineering (thinking about designing a car. sport car that is sleek, fast, and innovative. and CHEAP!
then--it's not wrong to continue what my dad is doing...) but i think chemical engineering is the rightest thing for me!

(because right now i'm thinking how to massively convert used plastic bag to be promising future energy source)

i have to pass the test. pass the test. pass the test. pass the test! time to work hard...

this is only my point of view in future life.

since i broke up with my last boyfriend, i've been thinking a lot about my future life and re-thinking about my life concept. well, my last boyfriend was not a bad person, we are just not clicking right. he mades me could explore myself deeper. we want different things in life. we see things in different way. and for a choleric person like me, there's no way i would change my mind only to adapt with one single person. I should drive my own life, not letting a stupid boyfriend do it thinking he know more about myself than myself!
really. my ex always talked about marriage...made me re-think about it and NOW i am not sure whether i want to marry someone or not. marriage is scary. you live with one person until the rest of your life (i hear it. the repeating voice of my ex saying 'forever, forever, forever,...').
it is said in the bible that woman and man became one in marriage, physically and emotionally. lets do some math. this is not a balanced equation.
1 person + 1 person ≠ 1 = 1/2 + 1/2
1 person + 1 person = 2 person
if they become one, it means marriage consists of half-man and a half-woman because 1 = 1/2 + 1/2. then where do the other half of those person go? I can't agree with this concept! even if i decide to marry one day, i would still want to be my full self. still be ONE, not HALF. why marry if you can't be yourself anymore later? a full marriage should not consist of TWO people with half minds. actually, so many marriage concepts in the bible i can't agree with. i don't know who write the bible, but i think some of bible concepts can be applied no more to nowaday's society. like, man is the head of family. don't be joking. what makes men so special so they become the leader of the family? what makes wives should obey their husbands? they're human too, we're all human, right? what a patriachial culture. damn it. for me, men and women are no different but in sexuality and no one should be more dominant than the other, including in a marriage.
and this makes me think. i see concrete example in my life and imagine if i was the girl who had good job i'd dreamed since my youth, then i married to a man. and that man periodically moved to other places due to his job...what makes me should let go my job to only follow a man? because i am a woman and he's a man? really?
or the concept people who marry each other, own each other. i don't agree. i don't want myself to be owned by any other person, and i don't want to own any person's life. my life is my own life. nobody can own it except me and God.
thinking about those marriage concepts that still strongly remain in my culture, i really resent to marry anyone except i find someone who can highly respects privacy and open-minded...with the same vision with me. we have to face it. marriage is not for everyone. the culture pressured us to marry. many girls feel they have to marry a man regardless what they really want. i think people should really think what they really want in their life before decide to marry. some people may want to marry someone, but some know marriage is not their thing. my motto is, pursue what i want means respecting myself. live life to the fullest. i watched oprah show a few weeks ago, it's about a book titled eat, pray, and love. The writer had lived a life that she felt is not right, and couragely chose to leave it and lead a new life. i really like the idea of this book. i would go to the bookstore, to find this book and read it. i would like to reassure myself that a girl can pursue what she wants with or without marriage, and that being married is not always the best choice. reassure myself that i have choices in my life and no one should choose those options for me except myself.
my dad once said married people are always happier than people who decide to live alone. i don't believe this. i believe it does not always happen. what if you're married, and your man hits you, your kids are the menace, you don't have time to socialize, your mother in law is evil, you can't do what you want, or you don't even have your time? is it still better than being single? and vice versa, being single is not always fun though, especially if you can't stand being alone.
then, i also think having kids is not a good idea for me. if i decide to marry, i will marry a man who also think that having kids is not a good idea for us. actually i even think pets are cuter than babies. i am never thrilled seeing a baby or a little kid. when my friends all go histeric over children like 'aaaahh, see felice, the kid is so cute! see! see! aaaahhh, cute!' i am only saying 'fine. a child. cute indeed.' with indifferent facial expression. i don't interact with little kids very well. the part of this maybe caused by my status as an only child, and the rest is because i am not interested indeed. but when i see a cat (even the ugliest cat) i always go like 'aaaahhh! a cat! so cute! miaww...psst...psst...!' while all my friends say 'gee, don't bring that cat near me! it's scary!'.

am i abnormal?

whatever. that's just my preferences. this is myself. i frankly state this is myself. then, the real reason is that i don't want to be pregnant. i would reconsider having kids if i'm not the one who being pregnant and do breast-feeding. i hope those are men's role. well. whatever. i don't want to grow something inside my body. that's disgusting. disgusting. disgusting. disgusting. disgusting. disgusting. my ex can eagerly stated that he wanted kids because those are not his roles. as i have said, i would reconsider having kids if i'm not the one who being pregnant. i would seriously consider an adoption maybe. there is so many neglected children in my country, why don't adopt one instead of making a new one? those neglected children need parents too.........and once again, i have my own choices. one of my friend said i'm an egoist because i don't want kids. but what is egoist? if i don't want kids and I still make kids though i don't want kids, am I not being egoist towards myself? this sounds harsh, but what if i am pressured to have kids and neglect the kids later just because i don't really want them? that's more egoist than choosing not to have kids! and my other friend said i won't be a 'complete woman' if i don't have kids. really? i think that's a wrong concept. being a complete woman to society standard(caring the family, be pregnant, breast-feeding, or even a full-time mom, blah3) does not always mean being a complete human.
a complete human knows why he/she is doing what he/she is doing, knows who he/she is really, knows what he/she wants in his/her life, lives up to a moral standard, and could may be contributing something to society. i'm a zombie if i do things i don't want, i don't live my life to the fullest, i do what people choose for me, and if i don't even own my own life. i don't stand by the principe 'it's okay to sacrifice one person if everybody else is happy.' everybody has the right to be happy with their life! no one should sacrifice him/herself to keep everybody else happy. really. i really wish everyone can live the life to the fullest... if i have better communication skill, i would like to be an oral motivator someday. to help people who don't know what they want in their life, to people who feel they live like a zombie. but writing is more of my style than oral communication. maybe i can write a book and publish it later...






i don't care what people say. i do care about what i really want in my life.

kuliap apa? apa kuliah saya???

sejujur2nya, saya lagi puyeng milih jurusan. tahun ini tahun terakhir di SMA, dan saya masi belon mantep saya maonya apa. clue nya cuma satu: harus jurusan IPA karena saya minatnya di IPA, titik! (gyaaaaa) bukannya ga ada pilihan sih. saya banyak banget maunya kok. persoalannya, ga semua yang saya mau bersesuaian dengan apa yang orang tua mau dan saya sendiri belon tau apa yang gw mau secara pasti karena saya adalah anak dengan 1000 kemauan (yang aneh2).

aku ingin begini...aku ingin begitu, ingin ini ingin itu banyak sekali...

dulu sih keinginan saya sama keinginan ortu saya berjalan dengan sangat harmonis. jaman2 smp, saya sangat mau dan memimpikan jadi arsitek. kuliah di ITB. terus lulus, bangun rumah baguuuuussssssss...banget buat orang tua. orang tua saya? jangan ditanya, setuju banget dong. arsitektur, prospek cerah, biaya kuliah masih terjangkau, 4 tahun lulus, dan (menurut mereka) sangat sesuai bakat saya... alasan saya waktu SMP pengen jadi arsitek? gampang aja. saya suka mensketsa. saya suka geometri. saya tidak suka pelajaran biologi. tepatnya, saya tidak suka hapalan. dan sepanjang yang saya tau, arsitek tidak punya urusan sama rhizoma, Helianthus anuus, Mimosa pudica, asam deoksiribonukleat, atau sebangsanya.
trus mulai saya SMA di jurusan ipa kelas 2, saya ternyata malah seneng biologi. (penjurusan di sekolah saya mulainya kelas 1 semester 2) aslinya gara2 waktu kelas 1 semester 2 itu nilai biologi saya nggak pernah lebih dari 80 karena guru biologi saya sangat...teliti dalam memeriksa pekerjaan murid2nya. gondok rasanya liat jawaban setengah kertas ulangan yang dihapain berhari-hari dicoret mentah2! dan kesempatan kita buat lolos passing grade hilang 50% kalau sudah ada satu soal yang nggak dikasih point samasekali. udah tinggal ngomong: celaka, nomor sekian sekian saya salah total........................remed hari jumat kan?
tapi ini yang bikin saya tertantang banget buat dapetin nilai lebih tinggi lagi. enak aja. masa jawaban saya nggak bisa memenuhi standardnya dia! akhirnya saya belajar (dengan sungguh-sungguh) biologi. eh malah jadi seneng... tepuk tangan saya buat ms devie. ga sembarang orang bisa ngubah cara pandang saya yang udah bertahun2 tertanam di otak! jadi lalu saya suka biologi. apa jurusan yang berkaitan dengan biologi? tepat, kedokteran! kapan lagi mengaplikasikan ilmu, uji nyali, beramal, sekaligus menerima pendapatan...

(ngomong2, ngomong pake 'saya' semua itu susah ya.........)

faktor lain yang bikin saya pengen jadi dokter adalah kebiasaan bokap membawa pulang artikel2 kesehatan gratisan dari internet. berkat baca banyak artikel begitu2, saya jadi seneng menganalisis segala sesuatu. makanan dianalisis. minuman dianalisis. orang dianalisis. segala sesuatu dianalisis berdasarkan efeknya terhadap kesehatan. nah. seru kan! plus, menolong orang itu rasanya...gimanaaaaaa gitu!
awalnya ortu sepertinya menyetujui minat saya ini dan mendukung dengan baik. tapi kok lama2 ngomongnya jadi aneh2. misalnya tau2 ngomongin anak temen nyokap yang sutris n depres karena kuliah kedokteran. tau2 ngomongin dokter umum itu begini begitu. tau2 nyokap ngomong ke saya,

nyokap: temen mami bilang sebaiknya kamu jangan jadi dokter, kasian masa' cewek belajar lama2...
saya: emang kenapa, saya tidak ada masalah belajar lama2 kok...kalo bisa setinggi-tingginya sekolah...
nyokap: lha, emang mau ngapain cewek sekolah lama2?

DHUARRRRRRRRR! meledak saya denger yang terakhir. saya paling sensitif denger nasehat dengan kata2 'sebagai cewek, kan kamu cewek, ...' atau sejenisnya. bisa memacu saya langsung meledak 'kok sial amat jadi cewek!' lagian apa sih temen mami temen mami? sotoy bener tu orang! hueh! ga kenal aja sotoy! ini lagi mami saya ikut2an! anaknya mau sekolah tinggi ngga didukung T.T intinya, ini bukan jurusan yang didukung ortu saya. jelas sekali. saya heran. banyak anak yang dipaksa masuk kedokteran sama ortunya sampe di DO segala, tapi giliran ada anak yang merelakan diri digiling2 di FK ortunya malah ga mendukung...memang FK itu mahal sih, tapi kan...
saya sangat disarankan untuk kembali ke cita-cita asal, yaitu arsitek...tapi gimana ya. saya baru nyadar kalau saya tidak suka menggambar dibawah tekanan orang. sangat menyebalkan. lagipula sayang sekali. saya minat di biologi-kimia. saya pengen mempelajari sesuatu yang berhubungan dengan biologi-kimia juga. saya cinta biologi-kimia. lalu saya sempet berangan masuk jurusan marine biology karena nonton spongebob squarepants dan film dokumenter tentang kelautan. saya cinta laut. saya ingin kerja deket2 laut. saya bakal rela lengket2 di laut berhari2 untuk meneliti biota laut. indonesia butuh peneliti biologi kelautan. indonesia punya laut yang bagus dengan aneka ragam hayatinya. biota laut bisa untuk pangan, bahan obat, bahan baku industri, dan aset pariwisata yang sangat menarik. lalu indonesia butuh orang yang bener2 kerja melestarikan lautnya, bukan sekadar nyetor modal. saya bakal bener2 seneng kalau dikasih kesempatan kayak gitu. prospektif, sebetulnya. tapi kayaknya selama pemerintahnya masih bodoh kayak yang sekarang, prospek kayak gitu kagak ada. saya mungkin berakhir dengan kerjaan yang titelnya 'S1 segala jurusan' kalo ambil jurusan marine biology disini. tambahan lagi, ga ada universitas di indonesia yang menyediakan jurusan marine biology! negara maritim ga punya fakultas biologi kelautan? apanya yang kurang cerdas sih dari negara ini?
lalu di semester 2 kelas 2, saya ikut olimpiade kimia smpai tingkat propinsi. dari situ kayaknya orangtua saya menemukan harapan baru buat mengubah pikiran saya.mulailah ortu saya membujuk saya buat mengalihkan pikiran saya ke teknik kimia.
waduh. menggoda sekali.
saya mulai berkhayal; mungkin aja di masa depan saya menjadi salah satu dari orang2 yang merancang sumber energi baru dan murah dan ramah lingkungan untuk indonesia. nama saya akan tercatat di ensiklopedi, dan akhirnya saya bisa merasa benar2 berguna sebagai manusia.
mungkin juga saya bakal menemukan sistem yang membuat air sungai ciliwung jernih kembali seperti di abad 19-an. nanti sungai ciliwung bisa kayak little venice...
atau saya bisa ciptain pengganti plastik yang 100% bio-degradabe...
sinting? emang. tapi ga salah kan punya obsesi buat tercatat di sejarah?
saya tau sih teknik itu dominan fisika...tapi saya baca teknik kimia ini aplikatif. bisa aplikasi ke masalah penyediaan energi, pangan, industri material, dan banyak lagi. wah. ini nih yang saya suka. masalahnya, semua orang juga suka. teknik kimia jurusan favorit yang peminatnya dimana-mana. sama kayak kedokteran dan arsitektur sih...coba bayangin, dari angkatan saya yang anak ipanya 31 orang, ada 5 orang yg pengen masuk FK UI, setidaknya 5 orang yang mau masuk arsitektur ITB, dan sekitar 5 orang lagi yang mengincar jurusan2 lain di univ2 tersebut. saya lagi bingung, apa semua manusia ini serius ya....... . . . . . . . *keringat dingin*
yang jelas, teknik kimia ini prospeknya cerah ke depan. semua industri butuh insinyur kimia. kuliah nggak kelamaan dan nggak makan biaya kayak kedokteran.
......tapi kan... tapi....
.
(solusi yg 'bikin merinding' dari ortu kalo saya teteup pengen jadi dokter: lulus, ambil kursus kecantikan, buka klinik kecantikan deh! belajar ga lama, ga pake spesialis2an, duit lancar...)






jadi, kedokteran atau teknik kimia nih????

(saya belom nyebutin jurusan-jurusan lain yang saya berminat juga ya: teknik pertambangan, teknik metalurgi, teknik geologi, kimia murni......)

careeeeeeeer options!

back in the elementary school, i really loved to draw. I'd been participating in art club for at least 5 years of 6 years elementary school education. I was also addicted to japan... (japan freak)i had listed college majors that i thought i was going to take when i was a sixth grader: mangaka (i was serious and this is cool), IT (i can't imagine how come now i really, seriously don't want to enroll in any IT program) fashion design, graphic design, art major, architecture, japanese literature, interior design, illustrator, or anything design-design-design! nanananana...! i remember my parents didn't approve any single one of those listed, except architecture or interior design. my parents said design related things and japanese literature weren't promising nice future prospects. (they didn't know design related things and japanese literature are going to be really popular years later..well they don't have magic crystal ball)
when i was in middle school, my future dream job was still the same: architecture and graphic design. in the middle school i was not too concerned about what would i do in the future. i was too busy crushing over guys like 'aaahhh that one is cute! i want to go out with him!' (yet the guys actually weren't that good) and busy thinking why i don't have any boyfriend, am i that ugly, am i that unattractive, hey i-want-some-attentions! what a stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid middle school girl i was............... -_-" well but i guess every teenager go through this stage when they don't really care about school or the future and only care about 'RIGHT NOW I AM...'. some of us are going past this stage quickly, and some of us stay like this forever until they're 34 and realize: what have i done? i need three years to calm down those raging hormones (do i talk like i'm not a teenager?) finally realize i have a really good chance to get a bright future.............sounds cocky, but i am pretty serious.when i was in 10th grade, there is an IQ test--it's a school program, you couldn't run away from it. i can't understand how my IQ score report slope so down when tested by this institute. i mean not the score; my IQ test results from official tests, online tests, self-tests book vary from 90 to 153...cool, isn't it (this makes me really believe that IQ scores prove nothing). the score i got on last official test quite made me look cool, but the result stated nothing too special from me, and that i have a rather low spatial intellegence, plus it stated that i'm not creative in drawing objects *oh, hell with this............*and my principal told me "what's this result? why is there not any single subject remarked as 'very well' ?"the students were also given a chance to consult school conselour about our IQ test result analysis. my school conselour asked me what i will enroll for college; i answered architecture major, or maybe a medical degree. the answer 'medical degree' was coming out from my mouth without planned. i never thought about it~i expected her to say: fine, you will be success being an architect! but instead she said: I don't recommend you enroll in architecture. you have rather low spatial intellegence. i recommend you to be a doctor. BANG!
*the sound of childhood dream collapsed*

i was upset hearing what my school conselour said. i was disappointed...blah, blah. that's it. i wasn't giving up my will to be an architect, but i started to be open to more possibilities.


(i think i want to continue this post in my mother language later...)

science or social?

i'm not going to talk about social class-science class stereotype. maybe on another post..
in 10th grade my grades were sucks. seventy point pointless on average; it's still seventy because there are some subjects like P.E., art, english literature... science subjects scores sucks the most. a lot of remedial tests. my chemistry, math, and physics scores were right on the passing grade. forever i had wanted to take science classes in the high school, but ...the truth hurts -_-" and chemistry. oh my god. my chemistry scores were really...down. i never scored that low in any subject before...
i almost took social science classes because i thought i would suffer in science classes. i was imagining i would be a lawyer if i took social science subjects. that's a cool job, using a lot of logic, helps people, and i really like debating and also really like to convince people so they would admit that i am RIGHT! but my parents didn't allow it. they said they thought i was better at science; and science class is an advantage because i can enroll to every college major. then... thinking of what i was doing in social science classes: wandering eyes, chatting with friends, attending the class half-heartedly, making fun of the teacher (i'm so sorry...), not making any notes,looking at watch repeatedly to see when the session is over...
clear. those subjects made me bored. social sciences don't fascinate me as much as science subjects do. what's better? get a good scores on subjects you don't like or get a bad scores on subjects you like?

i have to admit, i was not used to not get good scores. so I was really down when i got bad scores... (now i really could not care less about it though)
but i decided! i had to take science class no matter how bad my scores are. my heart is there! i had to take risks. i am glad i took it!
if i were now in social class, there is a big chance i would regret it.

i just try to be healthier!

health is very essential in anyone's life. no one can do everything without great health. everybody needs health. everybody needs to be healthy. (this is why i want to be a doctor--health jobs never die, people need health) i also try many things to be in the greatest condition--both aesthetically and functionally.

exercise-behold! this would sounds cocky
i don't remember why now i care so much about being healthy, i think because several years ago i started to worry a lot about the way my body built. i have a large frame for my height according to elbow breadth measurement test ,even it's still large for people 3-4 inches taller than me. actually i had normal amount of meat with normal amount of fat back then. it's only that i have large frame. but i did look 'big' and started to feel insecure...(well, that time i was younger, stupid, and immature, now i'm older but i'm not sure i've matured or have left my stupidity behind) so, at first the reason i started to do exercise was because i want to get thinner. period. thin, small framed body is so popular; every celebs got it, and i was one of the lacking self confidence kids who was totally brainwashed by media image.........
fortunately my parents agreed about the idea of exercising. so they bought a treadmill. i never cared about being healthy. my point was to be slimmer, blah! soon that treadmill became my property because my parents rarely...no, very rarely using it. I run regularly, almost excessively on the treadmill, and if you see me running you'd be scared that i would break the treadmill. (bang! bang! bang! bang!)
by the way training like that really brought a change, i was a lousy runner and always left behind in class marathon, and later i was the fastest--HAHA! geez, i'm bragging again, no good... afterall running improves my overall health and makes me feel better about myself! this soon became my hobby too. i also bought aerobic videos. i have to be really-really-really shameless to do this at home... yet it works better than treadmill, i look better--no love handles, no fat rolls... and i rarely get sick in this last two years. if i'm sick, it would be no more than one day. my grade also improved because i become more energized-therefore i'm studying harder. i forgot my real past motivation! now my obsession is to become the healthiest person in the...uh whatever. i lower my risk to get cardiovascular disease by exercising. i lower my risk to get every life-style related disease. i see every lifestyle magazine recommends exercise for a better health. every doctor recommends it too. i'm proud that i have this good habit. but then i start to worrying. how if i can't continue this habit when i'm in college? how if that i'm too busy to exercise? how to still get both exercise time and cum laude score? how to... how to... how to... how to............

food and its supplements--this one isn't too cocky
since now i'm health-conscious, i also started to research about what kind of food and its supplements are good for me.
my parents are also health-freaks; they collect every 'sounds-good' natural supplement reported in trubus magazine that actually more of a 'sounds-weird' supplement. lol. maybe health-freak tendency is hereditary. i also drink some of supplements they purchased. i remember, the first supplement they bought is virgin coconut oil. [unfinished]

one day in jakarta (part 2)

let's continue the part two. i had waited too long to continue it, and i decided i have to continue it NOW before my memory gets too blurry (me and my really short short-term memory)

..in Mandiri Bank Museum, we also saw a diorama set in a big room that was supposed to be the office of the bank in early 20th. half-up of the room were surrounded by glass wall so we could see through it. bank tellers and customers interacted through the holes made on the glass. it was told that most of the employees were chinese (well i can't help but feeling a little bit proud) because they were careful, diligent, hard-working, and accurate as a bank cashier. cool. they must be really smart, since office employee was considered a very good job be done by clever, educated people back then. now, everybody can be an office employee.

by the way i like something that is old-fashioned (in indonesian: jadul...) so i was really impressed by looking the old photograph of office employees. they had the same clothing. they had the same haircut. they even all had the same facial expression...
and the girls, wow, i now understand why they say fashion era always repeated. girls nowaday wear the same clothing with girls that time. no, i don't mean the skinny jeans thing that worn with a t-shirt and cardigan, i'm talking about dress with shirt collar, puffy sleeves, and plaid skirt. it's now really in, but it sucks because now they wear it with stupid legging...i hate legging -_-"
and the weird thing i noticed about this museum...
so this museum had a playground surrounded by the museum building. and i thought i saw something that looks like kindergarten classroom. what the...

later we moved to another museum. finally. it's museum sejarah Jakarta, or Fatahillah Museum. i never thought we would make it to here, because it's placed at the infamous location of traffic jam. busway made easy!
we only had to cross the road (like the chicken...) and walked through the old town area.

argh! those cars were disturbing the sight of old town! get out from there!the old town, somehow looked like a really deserted ghost town, as if people never passed the road there for a loooooooooooooooong time anymore. mold covers the wall, buildings remain not renovated, broken window glasses, ...ugh! really, i thought with this condition the old town would fit the requirement to be a good hang-out place for punksters at night (or maybe a place for some creepy cult members to hold their weekly cult meeting). and those cars, oh please! aren't there any other parking lots for them? why isn't there any regulation that forbid them to park their stupid cars there since it's a historical spot that has to be protected? no need to ask; that's because they pay. paying solves everything in this country, no exclusion for parking retribution. and though the old town is government's property, i'm not sure where the money goes.

actually i'm glad the government still let those old buildings stand proudly among jakarta's fast growing modernization (though they are decayed and deserted), instead of selling those old buildings to some stupid-ignorant-future-business-and-money-oriented-developer who will destroy all the buildings to build new modern shopping center. we don't need any more mall or shopping center. we need something new and different, and sometimes something old can be something new to us. history (including historical buildings and monuments or whatever) is the part of society which makes us the way we are. the government should concern more about this, i know our government should be capable to do more than just keeping the old town. they just never make it real. oh, they never make anything real. i hope those stone-hearted people in government read my writing! the heritage of jakarta interests many domestic and foreign tourists, but it's quite sad that not many old town and old buildings left now. i've never been to europe, but I do think that europe is interesting because of its heritage. people there maintains old buildings well, and that attracts the tourists. they open souvenir shop, cafe, or bookstore at the old buildings. they do their own business, but they still maintain the reall architecture of the old buildings. this is the good thing. you can use the building, renovate it, but don't change it. it's sad that not many people in here have a will to maintain the real architecture of old buildings. they're prefer to rebuild a new buildings out of historical buildings on their own lots (they need IMB to do this, and though old buildings should be protected but yes...here is the stupid birocracy system goes)

back to the old town, i would suggest the government seriously renovating this old town. make it more interesting, more hopeful, more beautiful, anything. learn from any european country. this old town has a really good prospect for being a really good city tourism site.do not leave it like a deserted ghost town. if i am a millionaire in the future, i'm positive i would do something about this. I would revitalize it. make it interesting and more lovely. I wish those buildings still remain unchanged until i become a millionaire!
(by the way on the way back, we saw newlyweds doing a professional photoshot here. well. see? they still want to use the old buildings even if it's soooooooo abandoned.
and the buildings are old. the newlyweds too...)

Fatahillah Museum

this is a very famous museum. it is located at the very end of old town road. I'd seen this museum being reported by several television tourism shows, and people wrote about this museum in magazines. it's famous of its underground prisons. so we paid the retribution and enter the museum. I guess this museum building was a wealthy dutch's residence in the past. the stairs are still real; they're wide and antique. well, actually there is nothing too special about what inside the museum if you had ever been to National Museum of Jakarta. The second story was filled with antique furnitures, and there is a room that shows the view of big ground in front of the mansion. and in another room, there are the paintings of dutch lanlord and his wife. maybe they were living in that mansion, afterall...
to see the underground prisons, we have to go to the backyard. as it named, the prisons are located right below the mansion (I certainly wouldn't ever want to live above a prison) the prisons weren't as dark as i predicted, those still got sunshine to their front doors. however, the prisons are only about 5 feet tall. There are many ankle weights for prisoners shaped like big metal ball. the air was tight there. i smell the scent of violence here...I heard the prisoners were violently treated, tortured inside those small cells before they were executed in the front ground. what a colonialism.... that's pathetic.
geez, the pictures are still at my friend's camera...

and on the backyard... here it is! clothless metal boy, hermes...

there we were, trying to imitate hermes. me in the middle~

first, i would really want to ask hermes how he got such good-shaped abs while he couldn't access the gym. second, hermes is the son of Zeus in greek mithology. hermes is the messenger of the gods, God of boundaries, shepherds, cowherds, thievery, travellers, invention, general commerce and literature (http://www.wikipedia.com/) sorry but i can't remember what are written below the statue... -_-" this statue was used to be in Harmoni district before some punks vandalized him and made the real hermes transferred to Fatahillah Museum, and a replica replaced the real statue in Harmoni district. and...oh! here is our photograph with an old cannon. no information written about the cannon. i guess all we know is that is a cannon, and that is old because it is placed in museum.

since we hadn't had our lunch yet, we decided to go to Stasiun Kota. it's a train station. my friend, Shandy said there was a tasty-food sold there. okay fine. the station is always crowded, i think. and i really like the architecture of this station! probably it was made by colonial government, since the architecture is really different from any other train stations. the main building was high, and the ceiling was curvaceous. it's marvelous... but the crowd could care no more. the station is quite dirty, and the situation didn't give us any secure feelings. geez. who cares about the architecture of this station...

the food seller was near the train railway. i don't know how to say it in english, it's a place where passengers get on or off from the train. the spot she's selling her food at was not a busy place at that time, so no rushing passangers trying to get on to the train or whatever. ahoy. the lady sold fried noodles with dumplings, poured with 'sambel kacang'. i admit it. i can't stand spicy food. but how spicy this food could be, eh?

the next fifteen minutes later, my life was at stake. I had no drink. my face was bright red, and i gasped for air. good lord, i couldn't stand the spicy taste! and i ordered one full portion. that's a long fifteen minutes... this was the difference. I drank 3 glasses of water. my friends only drank one. great!

we were planning to eat dinner in Plaza Semanggi actually. so we got on the transjakarta. then this thought striked our mind. we wouldn't get off until the last stop, Blok-M station, thinking that the bus would turn the direction, give the passengers time to get off, and therefore we could go back to our start for free. but we're wrong. we had to get off at the blok-m station because it's the very last station. and we had to spend another 3500 rupiahs to go back to our start. the lesson is: don't be a cheapskate!

we ended at Plaza Semanggi, and parted away there. so then we went home......*the end*

duh too long eh!

one day in Jakarta (part 1)

on Wednesday 23rd 2008, i went on a trip with my friends. We had planned this even since before the summer holiday, we went crazy like 'ooh! aahh!! it'd be fun!'...it must be sucks if we failed on this plan again! so the basic plan is going around the capital city using trans-jakarta as our transportation. we planned to see heritage of Jakarta City. Jakarta seems like ordinary, typical big city, but like other typical big city there are still many interesting spots left here and we'd really love to visit any spot that still had the smell of the past...(and i heard it's a hell lot cheaper than randomly hanging out in the mall)

actually we didn't have any preparation on this trip. we didn't know where to go. this trip were almost failed by lacking of preparation...nah. but eventually we made it! I have to say, trans-jakarta is the best transportation system Indonesia had ever invented...wait, indonesia didn't invent it!whatever, it's fast, traffic jam-free, efficient, and fortunately trans-jakarta always stopped at the spot we want it to stop. errr. good luck. really .

First we started the trip from trans-jakarta station in front of Ratu Plaza. our first destination is National Museum of Jakarta in Medan Merdeka Barat Street. The day before I opened a year '93-'94 city map, and i knew it's near the Monumen Nasional. I also knew trans-jakarta had a station in front of Monumen Nasional but i had no idea how far it would be from National Museum of Jakarta... (it's really lack of planning!) It's my first experience to use trans-jakarta anyway. the first trans-jakarta we rode on was quite full, so we had to stand up holding on ... err...what's that, things that look like hangers? bad vocab. it was so fun...felt like surfing, especially when the bus driver suddenly hit brake pedal! we were swinging. wow. fantastic.

We get off at Monumen Nasional Station...and gotcha. National Museum of Jakarta was right before us. I thought the engineer who designed trans-Jakarta track really knew what we wanted. so easy. no need to get lost in Jakarta to reach places of interest. we only had to pay 750 rupiahs per person to enter the museum. this museum was really big, divided into two parts. The first building was built in colonial era; the ceiling was high, the doors were high, the windows were high...yes, everything were made high so dutch people who lived there long time ago could cope with Indonesian tropical climate. I love the architecture of this museum. it's so lovely and old-fashioned. the collections shown in this Museum are various. there are so many old rock statues from ancient kingdoms. i was thinking, were the people who made those statue ever expecting their artworks to be shown in gallery after one millennium? (because i expect people in the next millennium will collect my belongings . oh well. forget it.) some of those rock statues weren't in so-good conditions due to old age, erosion, and other natural factors. but they still show their glory. They were not some made-in-china things that recently imported and came in large number, nor leprechaun rock statues my mom put in our backyard. they're hand-made artwork, they're carved out of mountain rocks carefully, buried in a long period of time, and then we found them. Most of them represented Hindu gods and goddesses. Those history books didn't lie. Indonesia was dominated by Hindu culture in the ancient. and, oh my, there are so many of them so you would think they all were really produced in some suburban factories. d'oh! i didn't take the picture!

there were prototype of traditional houses in indonesia, made from woods. i bet the artists are really brilliant.

there was also a room that was decorated like 19th century room.

what a dreamy room. mmmm. okay, i know i'm not supposed to take picture, but i guess this is okay. I always want a room like this. Artistic. Old-fashioned. fine furnitures. high ceiling. and really tall windows! the next part of the museum was interesting too. it's a new building though. the first thing we saw are some pre-historical fellas.

nah, don't they look happy? this is a pre-historical society. how much do you think the society had changed? we once hit a really high civilization, do we degrade or rise to a higher stage? it's now so easy to see people in the street proudly walk with barely there clothes like their ancestors!

look at this fellow fossil. i don't know whether he or she is a he or she. we don't know his or her name. is he or she happy being there watched by museum visitors?
there are also technology from 18th-20th century. there are nautical technology, astronomical technology...

these looked like things captain jack sparrow used, ay! shiver me timber!

well i'm not a good photographer...the second pic is velocity control for ships...in chinese! cool... and this is old-fashioned, well-balanced trycycle from probably early 20th century.

after our visit to National Museum of Jakarta, we moved to the west. we got on trans-jakarta, heading to Jakarta kota. Jakarta kota was famous with its old chinatown, old colonial buildings, and once were a very busy trading area. well, now it's still a busy trading area. the bus stopped near Mandiri Bank Museum. I thought our economy teacher should recommend the students to go here. no retribution charged for visitor. This museum showed a large collections of old-fashioned telephone (that one, you spin the button to dial, and rrrrrriiiiingggggggggging like that before you pick it up and say 'yellow?'), old typewriter machines, old stamps...and other old office supplies! there was also a very HUGE book-keeping record:

the end of highschool

this is my last year in highschool. *sigh...* highschool is so fun. it's definitely better than my years of lacking coolness in elementary school, or my troublesome years in middle school. bad years. really. mean girls, confronting with those senior...what a drama...!
but my life has been getting better since i started highschool. i'm glad. especially the eleventh grad... it's a bunch of fun! but this year is, once again, the last year of highschool. yet i'm so excited to start the twelfth grade right after this summer break...i'm bored with this summer break! my brain is rotting because i don't use it in a very long time. but i'm ready to reactivating my brain again. new class (well, it's actually not new because i still have the same classmates), new things to learn, and possibly new teachers. i love it. very much.
what's the point for writing this actually? i want to make a resolution! ooh.
1. i will give 15-30 minutes of my time everyday to prepare national university entering exam! yes, i'm going to pass it, i'm optimistic...i hope. let's do the best
2. maybe keep my stuffs in order... i'm such a mess
3. stop waiting for the last minute to do something
4. going online only in weekends (hukz...)
5. seriously studying...especially on subjects i don't like, like citizenship, religion... duh. ridiculous.

pengalaman seleksi olimpiade!

biar enak critanya pake bahasa indonesia aja ya.

tahun 2008 ini lumayan sibuk bwt gw...hueh...masuk2 semester 2, gw ditawarin ama guru kimia gw (bukan ditawarin, setengah dipaksa juga) buat ikut seleksi olimpiade kimia tingkat kota/kabupaten. gw dengan senang hati menyambut. tahun lalu waktu kelas X juga gw pernah ikut seleksi buat matpel biologi (ini lantaran waktu kemarennya ada tes MOSI gw peringkat 2 dari semua peserta2 biologi sekolah-sekolah daerah cikarang meskipun nilainya...yah begitulah), tapi gagal-di-tingkat-kota/kabupaten...namanya juga masih kelas 1 (sok pinter lg). waktu itu gw cuma disodorin setumpuk buku biologi dan disuruh baca sendiri. tobat deh. bukunya tebel, isinya penuh dengan hal2 asing,... -_-"

...parahnya, ga ada bimbingan dari guru biologi. ada sih kadang2 beberapa kali. tapi itupun gurunya buru2 gt deh...
tadinya tahun ini gw mao disuruh ikut bio lagi...tapi entah kenapa berakhir dengan ikut seleksi matpel kimia... (bingung? padahal kayaknya kalo gw ikut biologi bisa sedikit lebih sukses dari ikut kimia karena uda punya gambaran apa aja yang dipelajarin dari tahun lalu)
abisnya ga ada yg mau mengorbankan diri buat ikut seleksi2 gitu lagi... tahun 2008 itu jamannya bikin KARYA ILMIAH buat angkatan gw. KARYA ILMIAH yang bikin murid2 menangis darah, rontok rambutnya, yang bikin murid2 sains sukses mengejar pimpinan project sains==> guru kimia... buat mengejar tanda-tangan artis yang terus berkata "no comment. ulang proposal kamu. ini invalid. hei, sampulnya ngga begini. ulang. kok bolpennya warnanya gini? saya gak mau acc kalo warnanya gini. cari bolpen lain dulu. ulang. kamu, rapikan dasi kamu dulu baru saya acc. bla3"
bwakakakakakakkakakakakakakakakkakaakak! kalo inget lucu banget. makanya gw tulis disini.
gara2 itu dan faktor2 x...akhirnya gw yg ikut seleksi kimia, dan ga ada yang ikut seleksi biologi...

akhirnya sepanjang semester 2 kelas XI gw mengorbankan jam ekskul gw buat belajar kimia. kadang diajarin guru kimianya langsung, kadang diajar kakak kelas yang tahun lalu peserta (pinter bngt tuh.) ...ekskul gw sebenarnya french. tapi di ekskul gw pelajarin kesetimbangan kimia, koligatif larutan, oksidasi alkanol, turunan2 benzena..........ga percuma. akhirnya gw lolos ke propinsi meskipun gw ngerjain soal seleksi kabupaten dalam keadaan pilek berat...yg menyebabkan banyak salah baca soal PG! huaaaaa! waktu nunggu pengumuman yang lolos itu gw uda madesu aja, lantaran PG gw setengahnya ngawur gara2 ceroboh. murni. ceroboh. satu yang paling gw inget: sebutkan jumlah isomer2 C8H16. naasnya gw baca C8H16 jadi C6H16. naasnya lagi, jawabannya ada di pilihannya...
oleh sebab itu gw cuma dapat peringkat 4 se kabupaten bekasi. beda nilai peringkat 1-6 tipis2 banget...kecuali gap peringkat 1 dan 2. fiuhhhhhhh. gw lolos karena hoki...coba kalo peserta yg lolos maksimal 3 orang... bisa nangis kimos gw smbil menyesali betapa cerobohnya diri ini~
Tuhan masi ngasi gw kesempatan!

selama 10 hari gw ikut pembinaan di sekolah lain bareng 5 orang lainnya, dan itu ngambil jam pelajaran. Padahal akhir mei itu musim2nya ulangan, revisi project, ulangan blok... uda pasrah aja dah gw. kesempatan gw buat usaha sebagus2nya buat seleksi propinsi cuma sekali itu aja. tahun depan uda ga ada kesempatan buat gw lagi, gw uda kelas 12.
tanggal 2 juni gw berangkat ke bandung bareng temen2 1 tim kimia. mereka anaknya baik2 loh. hoohohhohoho... tes seleksinya tanggal 3 juni. tes nya, kalo menurut gw, gampang. macam ulangann harian yang biasa dikasih guru kimia gw lah, cuma lebih susah sedikit.gw ga bisa 3 nomor dari 30. essay cuma ga bisa satu nomor dari 9 nomor... yang bikin gw heran, selama 3 jam itu gw segitu enjoynya (atw stres?) ngerjain soal sampe waktu selesai rambut gw tau2 uda bertebaran di meja... (gyaaa! mengerikan!)
waktu gw balik dari bandung, gw berubah mikirin nasib gw yang harus menyelesaikan belasan ulangan dalam waktu 1 minggu............................


meskipun akhirnya ga lolos ke nasional (hiks...gw uda curiga emang ga lolos karena guru kimia gw ga ngasitau apa2, padahal OSN bakal diadain tanggal 8-15 agustus 2008) gw banyak dapet hal 'baru' selama 6 bulan itu.
-seperti entry sebelumnya: tanpa kekasih belajar berjalan lancar! hahahahahaha!
-sopan+respek sama guru. gw kagum lihat bagaimana bedanya anak2 dari sma2 yang notabene 'memegang tradisi indonesia' dengan anak2 sekolah gw dalam hal memperlakukan gurunya. mereka setiap ketemu sama gurunya selalu cium tangan. datang masuk ke kelas cium tangan. meninggalkan kelas juga cium tangan. gw kagok-kagok juga karena dari 6 orang satu tim, cuma gw yang ga punya kebiasaan gitu! mereka juga berbicara sama gurunya...aduh sopan sekali. meskipun mungkin guru itu uda kayak temen mereka, meskipun guru itu mungkin nyebelin n ga becus ngajar, tapi mereka masih respek sama guru sebagaimana mestinya. gw kagum banget sama mereka. bedanya dengan kita yang 'berbudaya lain', kita lebih cenderung buat jadi ngga punya respek sama guru. kita cenderung anggap 'guru yang butuh kita, orang kita yang bayar sekolah'. oops. sadar. yang bayar uang sekolah masih ortu kalian nak! kita yang butuh guru. gimana klo sekolah lo ga ada guru? dan lagi guru itu ga butuh kita, wong guru pengalamannya lebih banyak. kita yang masih bego. guru tamat sarjana. kita? tamat sma juga belon! guru juga manusia...gw yakin senyolot2nya guru, betapapun tampangnya minta ditonjok, guru itu selalu harapin semua muridnya berhasil. betul? jadi ...mari jadi orang yang lebih 'berbudaya indonesia'.
-gw uda selesai belajar semua materi kimia kelas 1-3. yay! ntar kelas 3 gw bisa lebih fokus ke persiapan masuk PTN. gw bakal coba ambil jurusan kedokteran UI...atau mungkin teknik kimia ITB. amin.
-masih ada langit...di atas langit! gw bisa ngerjain soal bukan jaminan gw bakal lolos...haaaahh...
-tadinya gw benci-banget-banget ama kimia. waktu kelas X aja gw remed terus.soal ulangannya susah2 (gw pernah ngegap gurunya ambil soal ulangan dari soal seleksi olimpiade propinsi). gurunya ngajarnya cepet lg. gw nyaris ogah masuk ipa gara2 kimia yang begitulah...tapi ternyata sesuatu yang bener2 gw ngga sukain bisa jadi sesuatu yang bener2 gw suka karena gw menemukan pelajaran ini sebagai tantangan, bukan penghambat gw dapet rata2 85 di rapor. untung gw masuk jurusan ipa...kalo ngga cerita ini ngga bakal ada...!



(ngomong2 soal rapor, gw kaget waktu liat ekskul gw ditulis di rapor bukan french. ekskul sains! gw satu2nya peserta pertama ekskul sains!)