di kelas 3 ini gw dapet mata pelajaran baru yang mengejutkan. bahasa perancis.
sebelumnya di sekolah gw perancis cuma buat anak2 ips. anak2 ipa ga dikasih perancis karena pelajarannya udah padat banget...dan kayaknya memang ga ada hubungannya sama ipa deh. sekarang gw heran, kenapa baru kelas 3 ini bahasa perancis diadakan? untuk mengisi kekosongan jam?
gw pikir bahasa perancis itu keren. artistik. rasanya 'mewah' gimana gitu...lidah keriting, bunyi sengau, penulisan artistik... negaranya pun keren! lagian keren kalo gw bisa bahasa perancis juga. gw jadi bisa 4 bahasa. inggris, indonesia, jepang, perancis.
tadinya bahasa perancis cuma ekskul pilihan. gw pernah ikut semester 2 kemaren, tapi gara2 olimpiade akhinya gw ngga ada dasar apa-apa buat belajar perancis....bwaahhaahhaahaha. akhirnya minggu lalu gw dengan antusias masuk ke kelas bahasa perancis.
ternyata keluar-keluar dari kelas perancis gw sakit kepala...
gw ga ngerti gurunya ngomong apa, dan mau nanya pun gw bingung mau nanya apa kecuali 'gimana kalo diulang semua miss?' yang mungkin bakal bikin miss nya melotot ke gw sambil bilang 'yang bener aja kamu!' gw emang ga bakal fokus kalo pelajaran2 uda gini rumit. tau2 bisa 'ngilang' sendiri gw dan begitu sadar: hah? apaan tuh?
parah parah. menurut gw, bahasa perancis ini bahasa paling susah yang pernah gw coba pelajarin. tata bahasanya rumit kebanyakan aturan, ada bahasa feminine dan masculine, kata kerja regular yang sebetulnya ga ada regular-regularnya (apalagi yg iregular), cara baca yang mengusutkan lidah dan pikiran, sekaligus kaset percakapan yang kedengaran kayak direkam dari dunia lain... alemongadeuwuitongmadmosee? wahai, bertobatlah yang menciptakan bahasa ini!
memang gw ga gitu minat banget di bidang ginian kecuali gw emang butuh. bakat gw juga bukan di bidang bahasa...
BUKTI KONGKRIT: gw ngerasa lebih sakit kepala waktu keluar dari ruang bahasa perancis dibandingin sama waktu keluar dari ruang math.
pelajaran perancis juga jadi waktu yg tepat untuk merenungkan semua impian2 gw... (sama kayak di pelajaran pkn)
... butuh bakat bahasa yg besar buat mengerti bahasa perancis...
siapa bilang pelajaran bahasa itu gampang?
berhari-hari setelah pelajaran perancis berlalu, rekaman kaset percakapannya masih melekat di otak gw (meskipun gw ngga ngerti apa yang dipercakapkan)
minggu depan ada quiz pula...duh, tak tahan! malas kali! tak usahlah kuis kuisan...
Monday 18 August 2008
it's chemical engineering.
i have the insight that i have to be a chemical engineer!
really. it is suddenly like BANG! be a chemical engineer.
this could be God's answer to my parents' prayer, or maybe the answer to my own prayer. (this proves God really exists) it's the feel that maybe i can contribute to the society in this field.
so now, my first choice is chemical engineering degree, and the other alternatives are medical science and mechanical engineering (thinking about designing a car. sport car that is sleek, fast, and innovative. and CHEAP!
then--it's not wrong to continue what my dad is doing...) but i think chemical engineering is the rightest thing for me!
(because right now i'm thinking how to massively convert used plastic bag to be promising future energy source)
i have to pass the test. pass the test. pass the test. pass the test! time to work hard...
really. it is suddenly like BANG! be a chemical engineer.
this could be God's answer to my parents' prayer, or maybe the answer to my own prayer. (this proves God really exists) it's the feel that maybe i can contribute to the society in this field.
so now, my first choice is chemical engineering degree, and the other alternatives are medical science and mechanical engineering (thinking about designing a car. sport car that is sleek, fast, and innovative. and CHEAP!
then--it's not wrong to continue what my dad is doing...) but i think chemical engineering is the rightest thing for me!
(because right now i'm thinking how to massively convert used plastic bag to be promising future energy source)
i have to pass the test. pass the test. pass the test. pass the test! time to work hard...
this is only my point of view in future life.
since i broke up with my last boyfriend, i've been thinking a lot about my future life and re-thinking about my life concept. well, my last boyfriend was not a bad person, we are just not clicking right. he mades me could explore myself deeper. we want different things in life. we see things in different way. and for a choleric person like me, there's no way i would change my mind only to adapt with one single person. I should drive my own life, not letting a stupid boyfriend do it thinking he know more about myself than myself!
really. my ex always talked about marriage...made me re-think about it and NOW i am not sure whether i want to marry someone or not. marriage is scary. you live with one person until the rest of your life (i hear it. the repeating voice of my ex saying 'forever, forever, forever,...').
it is said in the bible that woman and man became one in marriage, physically and emotionally. lets do some math. this is not a balanced equation.
1 person + 1 person ≠ 1 = 1/2 + 1/2
1 person + 1 person = 2 person
if they become one, it means marriage consists of half-man and a half-woman because 1 = 1/2 + 1/2. then where do the other half of those person go? I can't agree with this concept! even if i decide to marry one day, i would still want to be my full self. still be ONE, not HALF. why marry if you can't be yourself anymore later? a full marriage should not consist of TWO people with half minds. actually, so many marriage concepts in the bible i can't agree with. i don't know who write the bible, but i think some of bible concepts can be applied no more to nowaday's society. like, man is the head of family. don't be joking. what makes men so special so they become the leader of the family? what makes wives should obey their husbands? they're human too, we're all human, right? what a patriachial culture. damn it. for me, men and women are no different but in sexuality and no one should be more dominant than the other, including in a marriage.
and this makes me think. i see concrete example in my life and imagine if i was the girl who had good job i'd dreamed since my youth, then i married to a man. and that man periodically moved to other places due to his job...what makes me should let go my job to only follow a man? because i am a woman and he's a man? really?
or the concept people who marry each other, own each other. i don't agree. i don't want myself to be owned by any other person, and i don't want to own any person's life. my life is my own life. nobody can own it except me and God.
thinking about those marriage concepts that still strongly remain in my culture, i really resent to marry anyone except i find someone who can highly respects privacy and open-minded...with the same vision with me. we have to face it. marriage is not for everyone. the culture pressured us to marry. many girls feel they have to marry a man regardless what they really want. i think people should really think what they really want in their life before decide to marry. some people may want to marry someone, but some know marriage is not their thing. my motto is, pursue what i want means respecting myself. live life to the fullest. i watched oprah show a few weeks ago, it's about a book titled eat, pray, and love. The writer had lived a life that she felt is not right, and couragely chose to leave it and lead a new life. i really like the idea of this book. i would go to the bookstore, to find this book and read it. i would like to reassure myself that a girl can pursue what she wants with or without marriage, and that being married is not always the best choice. reassure myself that i have choices in my life and no one should choose those options for me except myself.
my dad once said married people are always happier than people who decide to live alone. i don't believe this. i believe it does not always happen. what if you're married, and your man hits you, your kids are the menace, you don't have time to socialize, your mother in law is evil, you can't do what you want, or you don't even have your time? is it still better than being single? and vice versa, being single is not always fun though, especially if you can't stand being alone.
then, i also think having kids is not a good idea for me. if i decide to marry, i will marry a man who also think that having kids is not a good idea for us. actually i even think pets are cuter than babies. i am never thrilled seeing a baby or a little kid. when my friends all go histeric over children like 'aaaahh, see felice, the kid is so cute! see! see! aaaahhh, cute!' i am only saying 'fine. a child. cute indeed.' with indifferent facial expression. i don't interact with little kids very well. the part of this maybe caused by my status as an only child, and the rest is because i am not interested indeed. but when i see a cat (even the ugliest cat) i always go like 'aaaahhh! a cat! so cute! miaww...psst...psst...!' while all my friends say 'gee, don't bring that cat near me! it's scary!'.
am i abnormal?
whatever. that's just my preferences. this is myself. i frankly state this is myself. then, the real reason is that i don't want to be pregnant. i would reconsider having kids if i'm not the one who being pregnant and do breast-feeding. i hope those are men's role. well. whatever. i don't want to grow something inside my body. that's disgusting. disgusting. disgusting. disgusting. disgusting. disgusting. my ex can eagerly stated that he wanted kids because those are not his roles. as i have said, i would reconsider having kids if i'm not the one who being pregnant. i would seriously consider an adoption maybe. there is so many neglected children in my country, why don't adopt one instead of making a new one? those neglected children need parents too.........and once again, i have my own choices. one of my friend said i'm an egoist because i don't want kids. but what is egoist? if i don't want kids and I still make kids though i don't want kids, am I not being egoist towards myself? this sounds harsh, but what if i am pressured to have kids and neglect the kids later just because i don't really want them? that's more egoist than choosing not to have kids! and my other friend said i won't be a 'complete woman' if i don't have kids. really? i think that's a wrong concept. being a complete woman to society standard(caring the family, be pregnant, breast-feeding, or even a full-time mom, blah3) does not always mean being a complete human.
a complete human knows why he/she is doing what he/she is doing, knows who he/she is really, knows what he/she wants in his/her life, lives up to a moral standard, and could may be contributing something to society. i'm a zombie if i do things i don't want, i don't live my life to the fullest, i do what people choose for me, and if i don't even own my own life. i don't stand by the principe 'it's okay to sacrifice one person if everybody else is happy.' everybody has the right to be happy with their life! no one should sacrifice him/herself to keep everybody else happy. really. i really wish everyone can live the life to the fullest... if i have better communication skill, i would like to be an oral motivator someday. to help people who don't know what they want in their life, to people who feel they live like a zombie. but writing is more of my style than oral communication. maybe i can write a book and publish it later...
i don't care what people say. i do care about what i really want in my life.
really. my ex always talked about marriage...made me re-think about it and NOW i am not sure whether i want to marry someone or not. marriage is scary. you live with one person until the rest of your life (i hear it. the repeating voice of my ex saying 'forever, forever, forever,...').
it is said in the bible that woman and man became one in marriage, physically and emotionally. lets do some math. this is not a balanced equation.
1 person + 1 person ≠ 1 = 1/2 + 1/2
1 person + 1 person = 2 person
if they become one, it means marriage consists of half-man and a half-woman because 1 = 1/2 + 1/2. then where do the other half of those person go? I can't agree with this concept! even if i decide to marry one day, i would still want to be my full self. still be ONE, not HALF. why marry if you can't be yourself anymore later? a full marriage should not consist of TWO people with half minds. actually, so many marriage concepts in the bible i can't agree with. i don't know who write the bible, but i think some of bible concepts can be applied no more to nowaday's society. like, man is the head of family. don't be joking. what makes men so special so they become the leader of the family? what makes wives should obey their husbands? they're human too, we're all human, right? what a patriachial culture. damn it. for me, men and women are no different but in sexuality and no one should be more dominant than the other, including in a marriage.
and this makes me think. i see concrete example in my life and imagine if i was the girl who had good job i'd dreamed since my youth, then i married to a man. and that man periodically moved to other places due to his job...what makes me should let go my job to only follow a man? because i am a woman and he's a man? really?
or the concept people who marry each other, own each other. i don't agree. i don't want myself to be owned by any other person, and i don't want to own any person's life. my life is my own life. nobody can own it except me and God.
thinking about those marriage concepts that still strongly remain in my culture, i really resent to marry anyone except i find someone who can highly respects privacy and open-minded...with the same vision with me. we have to face it. marriage is not for everyone. the culture pressured us to marry. many girls feel they have to marry a man regardless what they really want. i think people should really think what they really want in their life before decide to marry. some people may want to marry someone, but some know marriage is not their thing. my motto is, pursue what i want means respecting myself. live life to the fullest. i watched oprah show a few weeks ago, it's about a book titled eat, pray, and love. The writer had lived a life that she felt is not right, and couragely chose to leave it and lead a new life. i really like the idea of this book. i would go to the bookstore, to find this book and read it. i would like to reassure myself that a girl can pursue what she wants with or without marriage, and that being married is not always the best choice. reassure myself that i have choices in my life and no one should choose those options for me except myself.
my dad once said married people are always happier than people who decide to live alone. i don't believe this. i believe it does not always happen. what if you're married, and your man hits you, your kids are the menace, you don't have time to socialize, your mother in law is evil, you can't do what you want, or you don't even have your time? is it still better than being single? and vice versa, being single is not always fun though, especially if you can't stand being alone.
then, i also think having kids is not a good idea for me. if i decide to marry, i will marry a man who also think that having kids is not a good idea for us. actually i even think pets are cuter than babies. i am never thrilled seeing a baby or a little kid. when my friends all go histeric over children like 'aaaahh, see felice, the kid is so cute! see! see! aaaahhh, cute!' i am only saying 'fine. a child. cute indeed.' with indifferent facial expression. i don't interact with little kids very well. the part of this maybe caused by my status as an only child, and the rest is because i am not interested indeed. but when i see a cat (even the ugliest cat) i always go like 'aaaahhh! a cat! so cute! miaww...psst...psst...!' while all my friends say 'gee, don't bring that cat near me! it's scary!'.
am i abnormal?
whatever. that's just my preferences. this is myself. i frankly state this is myself. then, the real reason is that i don't want to be pregnant. i would reconsider having kids if i'm not the one who being pregnant and do breast-feeding. i hope those are men's role. well. whatever. i don't want to grow something inside my body. that's disgusting. disgusting. disgusting. disgusting. disgusting. disgusting. my ex can eagerly stated that he wanted kids because those are not his roles. as i have said, i would reconsider having kids if i'm not the one who being pregnant. i would seriously consider an adoption maybe. there is so many neglected children in my country, why don't adopt one instead of making a new one? those neglected children need parents too.........and once again, i have my own choices. one of my friend said i'm an egoist because i don't want kids. but what is egoist? if i don't want kids and I still make kids though i don't want kids, am I not being egoist towards myself? this sounds harsh, but what if i am pressured to have kids and neglect the kids later just because i don't really want them? that's more egoist than choosing not to have kids! and my other friend said i won't be a 'complete woman' if i don't have kids. really? i think that's a wrong concept. being a complete woman to society standard(caring the family, be pregnant, breast-feeding, or even a full-time mom, blah3) does not always mean being a complete human.
a complete human knows why he/she is doing what he/she is doing, knows who he/she is really, knows what he/she wants in his/her life, lives up to a moral standard, and could may be contributing something to society. i'm a zombie if i do things i don't want, i don't live my life to the fullest, i do what people choose for me, and if i don't even own my own life. i don't stand by the principe 'it's okay to sacrifice one person if everybody else is happy.' everybody has the right to be happy with their life! no one should sacrifice him/herself to keep everybody else happy. really. i really wish everyone can live the life to the fullest... if i have better communication skill, i would like to be an oral motivator someday. to help people who don't know what they want in their life, to people who feel they live like a zombie. but writing is more of my style than oral communication. maybe i can write a book and publish it later...
i don't care what people say. i do care about what i really want in my life.
Sunday 3 August 2008
kuliap apa? apa kuliah saya???
sejujur2nya, saya lagi puyeng milih jurusan. tahun ini tahun terakhir di SMA, dan saya masi belon mantep saya maonya apa. clue nya cuma satu: harus jurusan IPA karena saya minatnya di IPA, titik! (gyaaaaa) bukannya ga ada pilihan sih. saya banyak banget maunya kok. persoalannya, ga semua yang saya mau bersesuaian dengan apa yang orang tua mau dan saya sendiri belon tau apa yang gw mau secara pasti karena saya adalah anak dengan 1000 kemauan (yang aneh2).
aku ingin begini...aku ingin begitu, ingin ini ingin itu banyak sekali...
dulu sih keinginan saya sama keinginan ortu saya berjalan dengan sangat harmonis. jaman2 smp, saya sangat mau dan memimpikan jadi arsitek. kuliah di ITB. terus lulus, bangun rumah baguuuuussssssss...banget buat orang tua. orang tua saya? jangan ditanya, setuju banget dong. arsitektur, prospek cerah, biaya kuliah masih terjangkau, 4 tahun lulus, dan (menurut mereka) sangat sesuai bakat saya... alasan saya waktu SMP pengen jadi arsitek? gampang aja. saya suka mensketsa. saya suka geometri. saya tidak suka pelajaran biologi. tepatnya, saya tidak suka hapalan. dan sepanjang yang saya tau, arsitek tidak punya urusan sama rhizoma, Helianthus anuus, Mimosa pudica, asam deoksiribonukleat, atau sebangsanya.
trus mulai saya SMA di jurusan ipa kelas 2, saya ternyata malah seneng biologi. (penjurusan di sekolah saya mulainya kelas 1 semester 2) aslinya gara2 waktu kelas 1 semester 2 itu nilai biologi saya nggak pernah lebih dari 80 karena guru biologi saya sangat...teliti dalam memeriksa pekerjaan murid2nya. gondok rasanya liat jawaban setengah kertas ulangan yang dihapain berhari-hari dicoret mentah2! dan kesempatan kita buat lolos passing grade hilang 50% kalau sudah ada satu soal yang nggak dikasih point samasekali. udah tinggal ngomong: celaka, nomor sekian sekian saya salah total........................remed hari jumat kan?
tapi ini yang bikin saya tertantang banget buat dapetin nilai lebih tinggi lagi. enak aja. masa jawaban saya nggak bisa memenuhi standardnya dia! akhirnya saya belajar (dengan sungguh-sungguh) biologi. eh malah jadi seneng... tepuk tangan saya buat ms devie. ga sembarang orang bisa ngubah cara pandang saya yang udah bertahun2 tertanam di otak! jadi lalu saya suka biologi. apa jurusan yang berkaitan dengan biologi? tepat, kedokteran! kapan lagi mengaplikasikan ilmu, uji nyali, beramal, sekaligus menerima pendapatan...
(ngomong2, ngomong pake 'saya' semua itu susah ya.........)
faktor lain yang bikin saya pengen jadi dokter adalah kebiasaan bokap membawa pulang artikel2 kesehatan gratisan dari internet. berkat baca banyak artikel begitu2, saya jadi seneng menganalisis segala sesuatu. makanan dianalisis. minuman dianalisis. orang dianalisis. segala sesuatu dianalisis berdasarkan efeknya terhadap kesehatan. nah. seru kan! plus, menolong orang itu rasanya...gimanaaaaaa gitu!
awalnya ortu sepertinya menyetujui minat saya ini dan mendukung dengan baik. tapi kok lama2 ngomongnya jadi aneh2. misalnya tau2 ngomongin anak temen nyokap yang sutris n depres karena kuliah kedokteran. tau2 ngomongin dokter umum itu begini begitu. tau2 nyokap ngomong ke saya,
nyokap: temen mami bilang sebaiknya kamu jangan jadi dokter, kasian masa' cewek belajar lama2...
saya: emang kenapa, saya tidak ada masalah belajar lama2 kok...kalo bisa setinggi-tingginya sekolah...
nyokap: lha, emang mau ngapain cewek sekolah lama2?
DHUARRRRRRRRR! meledak saya denger yang terakhir. saya paling sensitif denger nasehat dengan kata2 'sebagai cewek, kan kamu cewek, ...' atau sejenisnya. bisa memacu saya langsung meledak 'kok sial amat jadi cewek!' lagian apa sih temen mami temen mami? sotoy bener tu orang! hueh! ga kenal aja sotoy! ini lagi mami saya ikut2an! anaknya mau sekolah tinggi ngga didukung T.T intinya, ini bukan jurusan yang didukung ortu saya. jelas sekali. saya heran. banyak anak yang dipaksa masuk kedokteran sama ortunya sampe di DO segala, tapi giliran ada anak yang merelakan diri digiling2 di FK ortunya malah ga mendukung...memang FK itu mahal sih, tapi kan...
saya sangat disarankan untuk kembali ke cita-cita asal, yaitu arsitek...tapi gimana ya. saya baru nyadar kalau saya tidak suka menggambar dibawah tekanan orang. sangat menyebalkan. lagipula sayang sekali. saya minat di biologi-kimia. saya pengen mempelajari sesuatu yang berhubungan dengan biologi-kimia juga. saya cinta biologi-kimia. lalu saya sempet berangan masuk jurusan marine biology karena nonton spongebob squarepants dan film dokumenter tentang kelautan. saya cinta laut. saya ingin kerja deket2 laut. saya bakal rela lengket2 di laut berhari2 untuk meneliti biota laut. indonesia butuh peneliti biologi kelautan. indonesia punya laut yang bagus dengan aneka ragam hayatinya. biota laut bisa untuk pangan, bahan obat, bahan baku industri, dan aset pariwisata yang sangat menarik. lalu indonesia butuh orang yang bener2 kerja melestarikan lautnya, bukan sekadar nyetor modal. saya bakal bener2 seneng kalau dikasih kesempatan kayak gitu. prospektif, sebetulnya. tapi kayaknya selama pemerintahnya masih bodoh kayak yang sekarang, prospek kayak gitu kagak ada. saya mungkin berakhir dengan kerjaan yang titelnya 'S1 segala jurusan' kalo ambil jurusan marine biology disini. tambahan lagi, ga ada universitas di indonesia yang menyediakan jurusan marine biology! negara maritim ga punya fakultas biologi kelautan? apanya yang kurang cerdas sih dari negara ini?
lalu di semester 2 kelas 2, saya ikut olimpiade kimia smpai tingkat propinsi. dari situ kayaknya orangtua saya menemukan harapan baru buat mengubah pikiran saya.mulailah ortu saya membujuk saya buat mengalihkan pikiran saya ke teknik kimia.
waduh. menggoda sekali.
saya mulai berkhayal; mungkin aja di masa depan saya menjadi salah satu dari orang2 yang merancang sumber energi baru dan murah dan ramah lingkungan untuk indonesia. nama saya akan tercatat di ensiklopedi, dan akhirnya saya bisa merasa benar2 berguna sebagai manusia.
mungkin juga saya bakal menemukan sistem yang membuat air sungai ciliwung jernih kembali seperti di abad 19-an. nanti sungai ciliwung bisa kayak little venice...
atau saya bisa ciptain pengganti plastik yang 100% bio-degradabe...
sinting? emang. tapi ga salah kan punya obsesi buat tercatat di sejarah?
saya tau sih teknik itu dominan fisika...tapi saya baca teknik kimia ini aplikatif. bisa aplikasi ke masalah penyediaan energi, pangan, industri material, dan banyak lagi. wah. ini nih yang saya suka. masalahnya, semua orang juga suka. teknik kimia jurusan favorit yang peminatnya dimana-mana. sama kayak kedokteran dan arsitektur sih...coba bayangin, dari angkatan saya yang anak ipanya 31 orang, ada 5 orang yg pengen masuk FK UI, setidaknya 5 orang yang mau masuk arsitektur ITB, dan sekitar 5 orang lagi yang mengincar jurusan2 lain di univ2 tersebut. saya lagi bingung, apa semua manusia ini serius ya....... . . . . . . . *keringat dingin*
yang jelas, teknik kimia ini prospeknya cerah ke depan. semua industri butuh insinyur kimia. kuliah nggak kelamaan dan nggak makan biaya kayak kedokteran.
......tapi kan... tapi....
.
(solusi yg 'bikin merinding' dari ortu kalo saya teteup pengen jadi dokter: lulus, ambil kursus kecantikan, buka klinik kecantikan deh! belajar ga lama, ga pake spesialis2an, duit lancar...)
jadi, kedokteran atau teknik kimia nih????
(saya belom nyebutin jurusan-jurusan lain yang saya berminat juga ya: teknik pertambangan, teknik metalurgi, teknik geologi, kimia murni......)
aku ingin begini...aku ingin begitu, ingin ini ingin itu banyak sekali...
dulu sih keinginan saya sama keinginan ortu saya berjalan dengan sangat harmonis. jaman2 smp, saya sangat mau dan memimpikan jadi arsitek. kuliah di ITB. terus lulus, bangun rumah baguuuuussssssss...banget buat orang tua. orang tua saya? jangan ditanya, setuju banget dong. arsitektur, prospek cerah, biaya kuliah masih terjangkau, 4 tahun lulus, dan (menurut mereka) sangat sesuai bakat saya... alasan saya waktu SMP pengen jadi arsitek? gampang aja. saya suka mensketsa. saya suka geometri. saya tidak suka pelajaran biologi. tepatnya, saya tidak suka hapalan. dan sepanjang yang saya tau, arsitek tidak punya urusan sama rhizoma, Helianthus anuus, Mimosa pudica, asam deoksiribonukleat, atau sebangsanya.
trus mulai saya SMA di jurusan ipa kelas 2, saya ternyata malah seneng biologi. (penjurusan di sekolah saya mulainya kelas 1 semester 2) aslinya gara2 waktu kelas 1 semester 2 itu nilai biologi saya nggak pernah lebih dari 80 karena guru biologi saya sangat...teliti dalam memeriksa pekerjaan murid2nya. gondok rasanya liat jawaban setengah kertas ulangan yang dihapain berhari-hari dicoret mentah2! dan kesempatan kita buat lolos passing grade hilang 50% kalau sudah ada satu soal yang nggak dikasih point samasekali. udah tinggal ngomong: celaka, nomor sekian sekian saya salah total........................remed hari jumat kan?
tapi ini yang bikin saya tertantang banget buat dapetin nilai lebih tinggi lagi. enak aja. masa jawaban saya nggak bisa memenuhi standardnya dia! akhirnya saya belajar (dengan sungguh-sungguh) biologi. eh malah jadi seneng... tepuk tangan saya buat ms devie. ga sembarang orang bisa ngubah cara pandang saya yang udah bertahun2 tertanam di otak! jadi lalu saya suka biologi. apa jurusan yang berkaitan dengan biologi? tepat, kedokteran! kapan lagi mengaplikasikan ilmu, uji nyali, beramal, sekaligus menerima pendapatan...
(ngomong2, ngomong pake 'saya' semua itu susah ya.........)
faktor lain yang bikin saya pengen jadi dokter adalah kebiasaan bokap membawa pulang artikel2 kesehatan gratisan dari internet. berkat baca banyak artikel begitu2, saya jadi seneng menganalisis segala sesuatu. makanan dianalisis. minuman dianalisis. orang dianalisis. segala sesuatu dianalisis berdasarkan efeknya terhadap kesehatan. nah. seru kan! plus, menolong orang itu rasanya...gimanaaaaaa gitu!
awalnya ortu sepertinya menyetujui minat saya ini dan mendukung dengan baik. tapi kok lama2 ngomongnya jadi aneh2. misalnya tau2 ngomongin anak temen nyokap yang sutris n depres karena kuliah kedokteran. tau2 ngomongin dokter umum itu begini begitu. tau2 nyokap ngomong ke saya,
nyokap: temen mami bilang sebaiknya kamu jangan jadi dokter, kasian masa' cewek belajar lama2...
saya: emang kenapa, saya tidak ada masalah belajar lama2 kok...kalo bisa setinggi-tingginya sekolah...
nyokap: lha, emang mau ngapain cewek sekolah lama2?
DHUARRRRRRRRR! meledak saya denger yang terakhir. saya paling sensitif denger nasehat dengan kata2 'sebagai cewek, kan kamu cewek, ...' atau sejenisnya. bisa memacu saya langsung meledak 'kok sial amat jadi cewek!' lagian apa sih temen mami temen mami? sotoy bener tu orang! hueh! ga kenal aja sotoy! ini lagi mami saya ikut2an! anaknya mau sekolah tinggi ngga didukung T.T intinya, ini bukan jurusan yang didukung ortu saya. jelas sekali. saya heran. banyak anak yang dipaksa masuk kedokteran sama ortunya sampe di DO segala, tapi giliran ada anak yang merelakan diri digiling2 di FK ortunya malah ga mendukung...memang FK itu mahal sih, tapi kan...
saya sangat disarankan untuk kembali ke cita-cita asal, yaitu arsitek...tapi gimana ya. saya baru nyadar kalau saya tidak suka menggambar dibawah tekanan orang. sangat menyebalkan. lagipula sayang sekali. saya minat di biologi-kimia. saya pengen mempelajari sesuatu yang berhubungan dengan biologi-kimia juga. saya cinta biologi-kimia. lalu saya sempet berangan masuk jurusan marine biology karena nonton spongebob squarepants dan film dokumenter tentang kelautan. saya cinta laut. saya ingin kerja deket2 laut. saya bakal rela lengket2 di laut berhari2 untuk meneliti biota laut. indonesia butuh peneliti biologi kelautan. indonesia punya laut yang bagus dengan aneka ragam hayatinya. biota laut bisa untuk pangan, bahan obat, bahan baku industri, dan aset pariwisata yang sangat menarik. lalu indonesia butuh orang yang bener2 kerja melestarikan lautnya, bukan sekadar nyetor modal. saya bakal bener2 seneng kalau dikasih kesempatan kayak gitu. prospektif, sebetulnya. tapi kayaknya selama pemerintahnya masih bodoh kayak yang sekarang, prospek kayak gitu kagak ada. saya mungkin berakhir dengan kerjaan yang titelnya 'S1 segala jurusan' kalo ambil jurusan marine biology disini. tambahan lagi, ga ada universitas di indonesia yang menyediakan jurusan marine biology! negara maritim ga punya fakultas biologi kelautan? apanya yang kurang cerdas sih dari negara ini?
lalu di semester 2 kelas 2, saya ikut olimpiade kimia smpai tingkat propinsi. dari situ kayaknya orangtua saya menemukan harapan baru buat mengubah pikiran saya.mulailah ortu saya membujuk saya buat mengalihkan pikiran saya ke teknik kimia.
waduh. menggoda sekali.
saya mulai berkhayal; mungkin aja di masa depan saya menjadi salah satu dari orang2 yang merancang sumber energi baru dan murah dan ramah lingkungan untuk indonesia. nama saya akan tercatat di ensiklopedi, dan akhirnya saya bisa merasa benar2 berguna sebagai manusia.
mungkin juga saya bakal menemukan sistem yang membuat air sungai ciliwung jernih kembali seperti di abad 19-an. nanti sungai ciliwung bisa kayak little venice...
atau saya bisa ciptain pengganti plastik yang 100% bio-degradabe...
sinting? emang. tapi ga salah kan punya obsesi buat tercatat di sejarah?
saya tau sih teknik itu dominan fisika...tapi saya baca teknik kimia ini aplikatif. bisa aplikasi ke masalah penyediaan energi, pangan, industri material, dan banyak lagi. wah. ini nih yang saya suka. masalahnya, semua orang juga suka. teknik kimia jurusan favorit yang peminatnya dimana-mana. sama kayak kedokteran dan arsitektur sih...coba bayangin, dari angkatan saya yang anak ipanya 31 orang, ada 5 orang yg pengen masuk FK UI, setidaknya 5 orang yang mau masuk arsitektur ITB, dan sekitar 5 orang lagi yang mengincar jurusan2 lain di univ2 tersebut. saya lagi bingung, apa semua manusia ini serius ya....... . . . . . . . *keringat dingin*
yang jelas, teknik kimia ini prospeknya cerah ke depan. semua industri butuh insinyur kimia. kuliah nggak kelamaan dan nggak makan biaya kayak kedokteran.
......tapi kan... tapi....
.
(solusi yg 'bikin merinding' dari ortu kalo saya teteup pengen jadi dokter: lulus, ambil kursus kecantikan, buka klinik kecantikan deh! belajar ga lama, ga pake spesialis2an, duit lancar...)
jadi, kedokteran atau teknik kimia nih????
(saya belom nyebutin jurusan-jurusan lain yang saya berminat juga ya: teknik pertambangan, teknik metalurgi, teknik geologi, kimia murni......)
careeeeeeeer options!
back in the elementary school, i really loved to draw. I'd been participating in art club for at least 5 years of 6 years elementary school education. I was also addicted to japan... (japan freak)i had listed college majors that i thought i was going to take when i was a sixth grader: mangaka (i was serious and this is cool), IT (i can't imagine how come now i really, seriously don't want to enroll in any IT program) fashion design, graphic design, art major, architecture, japanese literature, interior design, illustrator, or anything design-design-design! nanananana...! i remember my parents didn't approve any single one of those listed, except architecture or interior design. my parents said design related things and japanese literature weren't promising nice future prospects. (they didn't know design related things and japanese literature are going to be really popular years later..well they don't have magic crystal ball)
when i was in middle school, my future dream job was still the same: architecture and graphic design. in the middle school i was not too concerned about what would i do in the future. i was too busy crushing over guys like 'aaahhh that one is cute! i want to go out with him!' (yet the guys actually weren't that good) and busy thinking why i don't have any boyfriend, am i that ugly, am i that unattractive, hey i-want-some-attentions! what a stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid middle school girl i was............... -_-" well but i guess every teenager go through this stage when they don't really care about school or the future and only care about 'RIGHT NOW I AM...'. some of us are going past this stage quickly, and some of us stay like this forever until they're 34 and realize: what have i done? i need three years to calm down those raging hormones (do i talk like i'm not a teenager?) finally realize i have a really good chance to get a bright future.............sounds cocky, but i am pretty serious.when i was in 10th grade, there is an IQ test--it's a school program, you couldn't run away from it. i can't understand how my IQ score report slope so down when tested by this institute. i mean not the score; my IQ test results from official tests, online tests, self-tests book vary from 90 to 153...cool, isn't it (this makes me really believe that IQ scores prove nothing). the score i got on last official test quite made me look cool, but the result stated nothing too special from me, and that i have a rather low spatial intellegence, plus it stated that i'm not creative in drawing objects *oh, hell with this............*and my principal told me "what's this result? why is there not any single subject remarked as 'very well' ?"the students were also given a chance to consult school conselour about our IQ test result analysis. my school conselour asked me what i will enroll for college; i answered architecture major, or maybe a medical degree. the answer 'medical degree' was coming out from my mouth without planned. i never thought about it~i expected her to say: fine, you will be success being an architect! but instead she said: I don't recommend you enroll in architecture. you have rather low spatial intellegence. i recommend you to be a doctor. BANG!
*the sound of childhood dream collapsed*
i was upset hearing what my school conselour said. i was disappointed...blah, blah. that's it. i wasn't giving up my will to be an architect, but i started to be open to more possibilities.
(i think i want to continue this post in my mother language later...)
when i was in middle school, my future dream job was still the same: architecture and graphic design. in the middle school i was not too concerned about what would i do in the future. i was too busy crushing over guys like 'aaahhh that one is cute! i want to go out with him!' (yet the guys actually weren't that good) and busy thinking why i don't have any boyfriend, am i that ugly, am i that unattractive, hey i-want-some-attentions! what a stupid stupid stupid stupid stupid middle school girl i was............... -_-" well but i guess every teenager go through this stage when they don't really care about school or the future and only care about 'RIGHT NOW I AM...'. some of us are going past this stage quickly, and some of us stay like this forever until they're 34 and realize: what have i done? i need three years to calm down those raging hormones (do i talk like i'm not a teenager?) finally realize i have a really good chance to get a bright future.............sounds cocky, but i am pretty serious.when i was in 10th grade, there is an IQ test--it's a school program, you couldn't run away from it. i can't understand how my IQ score report slope so down when tested by this institute. i mean not the score; my IQ test results from official tests, online tests, self-tests book vary from 90 to 153...cool, isn't it (this makes me really believe that IQ scores prove nothing). the score i got on last official test quite made me look cool, but the result stated nothing too special from me, and that i have a rather low spatial intellegence, plus it stated that i'm not creative in drawing objects *oh, hell with this............*and my principal told me "what's this result? why is there not any single subject remarked as 'very well' ?"the students were also given a chance to consult school conselour about our IQ test result analysis. my school conselour asked me what i will enroll for college; i answered architecture major, or maybe a medical degree. the answer 'medical degree' was coming out from my mouth without planned. i never thought about it~i expected her to say: fine, you will be success being an architect! but instead she said: I don't recommend you enroll in architecture. you have rather low spatial intellegence. i recommend you to be a doctor. BANG!
*the sound of childhood dream collapsed*
i was upset hearing what my school conselour said. i was disappointed...blah, blah. that's it. i wasn't giving up my will to be an architect, but i started to be open to more possibilities.
(i think i want to continue this post in my mother language later...)
Saturday 2 August 2008
science or social?
i'm not going to talk about social class-science class stereotype. maybe on another post..
in 10th grade my grades were sucks. seventy point pointless on average; it's still seventy because there are some subjects like P.E., art, english literature... science subjects scores sucks the most. a lot of remedial tests. my chemistry, math, and physics scores were right on the passing grade. forever i had wanted to take science classes in the high school, but ...the truth hurts -_-" and chemistry. oh my god. my chemistry scores were really...down. i never scored that low in any subject before...
i almost took social science classes because i thought i would suffer in science classes. i was imagining i would be a lawyer if i took social science subjects. that's a cool job, using a lot of logic, helps people, and i really like debating and also really like to convince people so they would admit that i am RIGHT! but my parents didn't allow it. they said they thought i was better at science; and science class is an advantage because i can enroll to every college major. then... thinking of what i was doing in social science classes: wandering eyes, chatting with friends, attending the class half-heartedly, making fun of the teacher (i'm so sorry...), not making any notes,looking at watch repeatedly to see when the session is over...
clear. those subjects made me bored. social sciences don't fascinate me as much as science subjects do. what's better? get a good scores on subjects you don't like or get a bad scores on subjects you like?
i have to admit, i was not used to not get good scores. so I was really down when i got bad scores... (now i really could not care less about it though)
but i decided! i had to take science class no matter how bad my scores are. my heart is there! i had to take risks. i am glad i took it!
if i were now in social class, there is a big chance i would regret it.
in 10th grade my grades were sucks. seventy point pointless on average; it's still seventy because there are some subjects like P.E., art, english literature... science subjects scores sucks the most. a lot of remedial tests. my chemistry, math, and physics scores were right on the passing grade. forever i had wanted to take science classes in the high school, but ...the truth hurts -_-" and chemistry. oh my god. my chemistry scores were really...down. i never scored that low in any subject before...
i almost took social science classes because i thought i would suffer in science classes. i was imagining i would be a lawyer if i took social science subjects. that's a cool job, using a lot of logic, helps people, and i really like debating and also really like to convince people so they would admit that i am RIGHT! but my parents didn't allow it. they said they thought i was better at science; and science class is an advantage because i can enroll to every college major. then... thinking of what i was doing in social science classes: wandering eyes, chatting with friends, attending the class half-heartedly, making fun of the teacher (i'm so sorry...), not making any notes,looking at watch repeatedly to see when the session is over...
clear. those subjects made me bored. social sciences don't fascinate me as much as science subjects do. what's better? get a good scores on subjects you don't like or get a bad scores on subjects you like?
i have to admit, i was not used to not get good scores. so I was really down when i got bad scores... (now i really could not care less about it though)
but i decided! i had to take science class no matter how bad my scores are. my heart is there! i had to take risks. i am glad i took it!
if i were now in social class, there is a big chance i would regret it.
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