why i am not a...duh

i'm from a christian family. i don't exactly remember why i am not a christian anymore. Certainly it is not because my prayer is not answered by god like people always accuse me of, and it is also not exactly because there's no scientific proof on god's existence.
i'd like to explore why i am not a christian anymore.
first, i just find it hard to accept that my life is dictated by an ancient scroll from middle east that were claimed as the word of god. it's not about the fairy tales nor wisdom written inside it. i even think people who disbelieve in the ancient scroll because of how irrational the story of Adam and Eve is, or how the story of great flood and Noah's ark mismatches the scientific data, are shallow minded people. what kind of writing do you expect from fellows who lived some two thousands years ago? so, like all Christians, in my opinion bible is not for literally interpreted. what disturbing me is the claim that it is fresh from god's mouth. how do they know it's god's word? circular logic occurs here. people claim that bible is god's words because the bible tells that itself. and about the writer who were given inspiration by god, that's just ridiculous for me. they sure can't distinguish where the voices in their head came from, neither we are. there sure is no way to prove that those voices came from god. so when Abe was told by god to kill his only son, it could be Abe who was crazy; why blamed god? i can do just about the same thing: I'll write about how some magnificent being sending you to outer space paradise, claim that i've got inspiration from this magnificent being, then bury the evidence in some cave out of town as i spread the rumors. the story will be exaggerated over time and voila! two thousands years later, a new religion arises.
second, Christianity is all about Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ is the son of god, born in human form. from religion subject in my school, Christianity claims that god is expressing himself in human form so he can easily approach the sinners because he loves human. fine. this part sounds promising and rational enough. Jesus Christ was indeed a godlike guy (if he was real). i like his teachings, he's a Jewish Buddha.the modern world needs more Christ-like people in order to make it a better place. the problem is that he claimed to be the son of god. in order to repent you have to believe in Christ with all your heart. why? because he's the son of god. just like the writer of the bible, how do we know that Jesus Christ is really the son of god? he could be a genius with superior complex (oh i am YOUR KING) getting undiagnosed that time, people exaggerated how nice and kind he was and treated him like god, or he really was the son of god. the last statement has smaller chance to be true, so i decide i won't bet my life to an offer which requires me to love and entrust my life in a long dead guy with all of my heart... with heavenly happiness in return. i won't invest my life in that kind of thing. if i want heavenly happiness, i'll just go on vacation to some tropical island to rewind rather than encouraging myself to review my relationship with a long dead guy. i just can't accept a dead guy is the savior of the world. for me, his teachings are enough for me to be a part of my life guidance.
these are two major things causing me to leave Christianity. the other insignificant but important things causing me to fleet are:
1. the concept of eternal happiness in afterlife. where every believer sings hymn praising god. eternal happiness is absurd. how can we feel happiness while we have no required tools left to feel? and when some people state that their happiness is singing hymn praising the lord, they are either nuts or brainwashed. then, philosophically speaking, pain and happiness are co-existing. one can't be exist without another.
2. i am a naturally naturalist type of person. so i can't just accept that human is more superior than any other living things so that human can utilize other living things for his own good. human is superior because he is at the top of the food chain, but it is similar to 'tiger is superior because tiger is at the top of food chain'. human are too arrogant, positioning themselves as the most valuable of god's creature.
3. Christianity, just like other monotheism religions, is secretly judging non-Christians as...non-Christians. every time we meet non Christians, we say 'hello brother' yet Sunday morning sermon preaches about how this brother of ours will burn in hell except he converts to Christianity. what is this, multilevel marketing business? although Christianity idealism is all about loving each other, Christianity doesn't really respect the idea of freedom in choosing individual belief.

i have nothing against Christianity for sure. it is just that it's not right for me. but lol, whatever... i think and give whatever opinion i think is true, right?

gitu deh

suka mau nulis, tapi bingung mau nulis apa... gw bener2 baru nyadar kalo gw ternyata bener bukanlah orang yang perhatian terhadap lingkungan sekitar. salah satu cirinya, gw belum tentu ingat secara detail kemarin ngapain makan apa aja sama siapa. atau tanggal hari ini. asik! kehidupan gw pun datar-datar aja. ga ada yang terlalu spektakuler buat dijadikan tulisan atau entah karena gw yang kurang sensitif, dan pemikiran-pemikiran gw sering muncul di saat yang kurang pas (munculnya sepotong-sepotong lagi, bikin bingung kalo mau ditulis jadi akhirnya ga nulis) tapi sekali2 mungkin perlu dipaksa nulis...

seven reasons to demolish this creature

it's unusual for me to write rants about someone in my life. if someone could make me rant about him, he must be really awesome. not in sarcastic manner for sure; totally awesome. only one in a million would wake me up from this dizzy-feverish after showered with rain condition, to be written as a part of my life that i regret living for. let's call this person Mr. bunny...although he's not affiliated to any of those cute fuzzy bunnies.

BEHOLD, FOR THE NEW KING OF THE WORLD HAS COME. INTRODUCING MR BUNNY!

i know mr. bunny from an (ir)religious gathering. at first he seemed to be a nice and warm guy. He seemed so promising; an undergraduate student at top med school. there's nothing special with mr bunny's appearance. almost average face with nonathletic body (face it--he doesn't do sports. FAT is nonathletic) but he seemed so smart. he claimed that he had mastered astronomy, physics, and general science stuffs and may i admit, mr bunny was not really wrong. mr bunny seemed quite appealing and charming to me at first.
time goes on, but there is something quite fishy about mr bunny. he's kinda obsessed with intelligence. he labeled people as 'superior', and 'mediocre', and many more based on intelligence. at first i don't really care; it's a joke. he sure was kinda funny until he started to get on my nerves.
1. according to him, everyone under the IQ of 140 is mediocre. and him, being kinda above 140 is a superhuman being dragged down from above. mr bunny claimed that his first IQ test was 121, and the second was 138.
as long as i can still remember, 138 still comes before 140, doesn't it? it's probably him being too smart or i am too stupid to understand. so he's a mediocre superhuman. how humble of him to humiliate himself from his level to mediocrity. i'm so impressed verryy much.
2. intelligence quotient score is everything. you can't do anything without that. you are as dead as vegetables if you don't have a high IQ score.
probably this is the only test he ever done that good. he doesn't have anything else to brag about. oh wow, but IQ score is the most important thing in the world.
3. mediocre people think alike, act alike, and dress alike, they are robots with dysfunctional brains. yes, i admit some people waste their brain by not using it properly. but they aren't robots, and their brain wasn't dysfunctional. human do have tendencies to act alike, but from the biological view it's pretty usual for individuals in one species to act alike. if mr bunny claimed that he's not acting like other human, it's most likely because he's not human. inhuman creature has no place in human society.
4. mediocre people are burden to society, they'd better of vanished from the earth surface. only people with high intelligence deserve to live.
what? who does he think he is? the landlord of earth? i'll send him to pluto for good, for there's not a single soul there who'd burden him because of their mediocrity. too much mediocrity in earth so in fact he'd eventually poisoned by it. i am so sure that evacuating mr bunny to pluto is the best option to save him from mediocre poisoning. don't worry, he's so smart, he sure can adapt to pluto's harsh condition. why? because he has greater than 140 IQ score. that's why!
5. human should be genetically engineered, in order to create a superior human race who can survive natural selection...then it is a perfect society.
(i'd like to remind you that physical attractiveness is also one of some characteristic of superior human race. Lol. i'm out of here!)
and then, after genetically engineered those human will be cloned, to make an army: for fighting extra-terrestrial creatures who abduct earthlings. the question is, why he would fight after the earthlings? probably this kind of scenario will happen: a whole spaceship full of bunny-like extra-terrestrial creatures are invading the earth. then mr bunny shows up, acts like superhero ready to save the earth. one of those bunny-like creature sees mr bunny and then goes like 'heeyy aren't you my long time lost brother?' then they go attacking the earthlings together...no mediocre people live in the end. behold the judgment day, for there is no way to eternity except by being a superhuman like me. HA! go to hell you mediocre jerks!
6. this is a little personal. one day mr bunny and i were at a conversation about using english as a second language. me, being a good person admitted that i never had been through any english course in my life. i have bad pronunciation; i talk singlish (although i'm not a singaporean). i also feel not confident in my listening skill. then i told him my english proficiency test score. it's something 590ish, a pretty good score even for those who took english course. then mr bunny laughed at me. ha-ha! i'm about 600ish. i admit your english is fairly good, but you don't deserve to get 590ish: you have bad pronunciation and your listening skill sucks. then since you have never been in an english course, your grammar and writing must be suck too. no, you're too stupid. it must be luck for you to get 590ish score.
jerk. i mean, he never really watch me speaking english or anything. yes i sure he never. then one day sarcastically i said 'yes i am very mediocre indeed.' but he didn't get the sarcasm and replied: 'yes you are, but don't give up so fast. no one is in the same level as i am, but don't give up. giving up will make you being underestimated and stomped by other people.
7.he's a fundamentalist non-believer. but he's a non-believer, how could he be a fundamentalist? this is no Heisenberg's theorem of light dualism. fundamentalists are packed in any size and any beliefs, including the non-believers. and non-believing fundamentalists are just as tiring as believing fundamentalists. he thought the non-believers are stupid and delusional. well, he is also stupid and delusional. first, his IQ is a merely 138, and second, he thinks he's the smartest guy in the world.

really, i have nothing against people with high IQ score. only this one (his IQ is not even that high)

kill me when he's the king of the world. i don't have the strength to witness the earth's end.

limapuluhsatu

...
argh, ga terungkapkan kekesalan gw. gw cuma dapet limapuluhsatu untuk mata kuliah fisika dasar 1A... imut banget. limapuluh satu.
area 51 itu bukannya tempat yang konon pernah menjadi tempat kontak dengan makhluk luar angkasa? kabar ini belom dapat dibuktikan kebenarannya. tapi yang pasti bener nilai uts fisika gw berada di area 51 an lah...
kraukkk. ngeheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee... *di pinggir jurang, meneriakkan kekesalan dengan sepenuh hati*
angka laknat limapuluhsatu ini merupakan tamparan buat gw, karena gw gak menyangka nilai fisika gw bisa sejelek ini. dari smp-sma ga pernah sekalipun nilai fisika gw di bawah tujuhpuluhlima. dan waktu ngerjain uts fisika kemarin, gw merasa nilai gw ga akan lebih jelek dari 65, karena soalnya memang tidak terlalu sulit dan sudah pernah dipelajari di sma. cuma satu dari lima soal yang gw memang bikin kesalahan fatal, sisanya yaa...bolehlah dibilang cukup meyakinkan. gataunya, nomer2 yang gw anggap cukup meyakinkan itu cuma dihargai 10, 9, 12, dan 16 dari 20. WTF? jawaban gw yang indah2 cuma dihargai segitu?
memang sih nilai gw jauh di atas rata-rata satu universitas (bayangkan nilai rata-rata 30!) tapi buat gw ini sangat menyebalkan. apa sih yang bisa dibanggakan dari nilai limapuluhsatu? baru pertama kali ada ujian yang gw bisa ngerjainnya, tapi cuma dihargai limapuluhsatu. indeks C. cukup? ngehe! semua soal tutorial dari dosen udah gw kerjain dengan sukses dan pede-pede aja bakal dapet bagus. tapi kenapa limapuluhsatu? why, why, why Delilah? why? ngeheeeeee... nilai macem apa ituuuu...

(agak2 tenggelam dalam perasaan kecewa terhadap diri sendiri)

semakin banyak belajar, semakin banyak tidak tahu

merasa jago fisika? kalkulus? kimia?
well, saya nggak.

dulu sih waktu sma merasa jago. tapi sekarang nggak lagi...
saya sadar kemampuan kalkulus, fisika, kimia saya masih selevel sma. dan level sma berarti ilmu saya masih sangat pas-pasan. dan di level sma itupun saya bukan 'ace', masih ada langit di atas langit, dalam artian saya hanya sedikit lebih unggul dalam bidang-bidang di atas dibandingkan rata-rata teman sejawat. saya harus tahu diri, kemampuan saya masih pas-pasan dan belum terasah, dan menerima bahwa proses belajar saya dimulai dari nol lagi...
tapi meskipun saya masih pas-pasan, saya janji tidak akan putus asa. saya harus ingat tidak ada orang yang jadi expert dalam waktu sekejap. masalahnya, apa saya mau bersusah-susah untuk jadi expert? HARUS MAU. saya bukan tidak bisa kalkulus, bukan tidak bisa fisika kimia, hanya BELUM BISA. saya tidak boleh minder terhadap rekan-rekan lain yang lebih dahulu bisa dari saya. meskipun saya tidak dituntut untuk punya nilai A semua, tapi saya HARUS mau belajar. tidak butuh otak yang jeniusnya keterlaluan untuk menjadi sukses. setiap saya jenuh, saya harus selalu ingat yang saya tulis disini.


bandung, 7 oktober 2009

teknik kimia? teknik fisika? seni rupa! haha =D

kenapa sekarang saya jadi bingung, mau teknik kimia apa teknik fisika?
...masa sih saya bakal membiarkan diri saya terbawa arus begitu saja.

saya masih punya waktu 2 bulan lagi sebelum isi kuisioner pemilihan jurusan lagi sih. tapi saya bingung. teknik kimia tuh ngapain dan teknik fisika tuh ngapain terus apa aja yang dipelajari, saya bener2 bingung. dan saya bener2 bingung minat saya dimana. intinya satu: sains. sains yang mana? mau ngapaiiiiinnnnnnnn???????
...sial.
yang pasti ga akan saya pilih itu teknik industri, soalnya bukan gw banget, gitu loh.

cita-cita saya, mengembangkan energi terbarukan. rancu kan? teknik fisika, apa teknik kimia dong? suer, apa dong?
minat saya apa? saya jadi bingung sendiri.
sedikit OOT. saya ingin di negara khatulistiwa ini sinar matahari dimanfaatkan dengan baik. salah satu caranya ya, solar energy. energi surya yang lebih efisien, murah produksinya, dan ramah lingkungan jadi alternatif bahan bakar minyak. rekening PLN bakal jauh lebih murah karena sumber energi gratis: matahari. ga perlu impor-impor minyak. ga perlu ngebor-ngebor. ga ada acara minyak tumpah di laut. menarik untuk diteliti. impian saya, perumahan-perumahan yang baru akan dibangun nanti mau bekerja sama dengan saya untuk mengembangkan pembangkit listrik tenaga surya terintegrasi. dan apapun berapapun penghasilan saya, harus cukup untuk membawa orangtua saya wisata keliling dunia =D
(saya memang ga percaya ada jurusan yang lebih berprospek dari jurusan lain. tapi saya percaya, rejeki itu tergantung dari bagaimana kita mengusahakan dan memanfaatkan kondisi yang tepat...)
dulu saya pikir teknik kimialah yang mempelajari energi terbarukan ini. ternyata yang fokus ke energi terbarukan versi solar energi, teknik fisika. lho!

saking bingungnya, saya jadi tergoda pindah ke seni rupa saja.asik kan. ga usah ribut fisika kimia segala macem! lulus dari seni rupa, berangkat ke bali, buka galeri seni, berkarya sepanjang hayat di pulau dewata deh =D

argh plis deh, masa udah susah2 masuk sini mau pindah jurusan. lucu banget...

lab work

At first, i didn't think lab class will be so fun. even before the lab class, we had been asked to write a 5-pages journal consisted of the purpose of the experiments, tools and material being used, work steps and so on. i did the stupid journal on my bed, as i fell into my unconcious mind, deeper, and deeper...
those work steps are fairly long and complicated. i was really bored.
but when i was in the lab class, i was amazed. there were so many funny and cute lab equipments inside. there was a sentrifuge machine. it's such a cute machine that rotate fastly around 1000rpm to sentrifuge a sample. when we burn something, we don't use spiritus anymore; there is an integrated gas system. and there is also a cute machine with cute name. it is called soxhlet. its main purpose is to extract an active compound from organic material. soxhlet is such a cute name for such thing, isn't it? i am really not sorry to be in an science engineering major!