dammit!

dammit... i have a crush on someone i barely met. nah.

he has my msn, but he hasn't added me yet. i suppose he is only going online in the weekend? duh. i have been being nervous for these 4 days.

first time i met this person, i didn't notice him until he approached my friend(a guy friend) who sat beside him. his team opposed mine in the semifinal. yet mine beated his.
i couldnt help but overheard what they're talking. errr. his name is...nah no need to be written here. his location is at...no need to be written here. then he asked my name. we talked too. then i found out that we planned to go to the same college next year, within the industrial technology department.
he said funny things i couldn't tell here. then he asked our team to be photographed. he took one or two pictures of us and said thank you.

then our chit-chatting had to stop because our team had to compete in the final session. then his team leaved. but his team (and him of course) was back soon to watch the final session! O_o
Our team was in the downside of the hill when this person stood up and yelled my team's name without shame.

then i noticed him. he's really cute with his glasses, that rather tanned skin, and sweet mixed face (you couldn't determine whether he's a chinese or an indonesian, that makes him really cute) and things he did and said are also really cute!!! >.<''

but when the final session was over, his team already leaved to their hometown.

and now, i am feeling like banging my head to the walls for being so stupid, not asking for his number nor msn nor whatever that makes me now like dumb cow waiting for him to add the msn.
dammit!

i just hope that he doesn't have any girlfriend,... (it will eventually broke my heart)and i hope next year we can meet o_o; pleasepleasepleaseplease oh please!

juara 3 nasional!

akhirnya sekali selama masa sekolah gw, gw punya prestasi nasional!
T.T (terharu...)
meskipun cuma juara 3...
tapi kan lumayan. daripada engga samasekali. hahahahahahahaha. waktu awalnya dikirim buat ikut lomba teknologi pangan di IPB tgl 15-16 november bareng 2 orang temen gw sih ga ada niat buat menang. yah. kita udah dikasitau dari 2 minggu sebelonnya kalo bakal ada lomba teknologi pangan.
itu setelah sekolah gw mengirimkan partai besar buat ikut pesta sains IPB dan dari partai besar itu, cuma 1 tim yang lolos ke semifinal. ancur2an. sia-sia gw belajar biologi seminggu penuh......(salah sendiri ikutnya biologi)

kita baru bener2 yakin kalo lomba pangan jadi kita ikutin 1 hari sebelonnya. jadilah kita dikasiin buku buat dibaca di rumah. itu juga pulang sekolah gw masi sempet ke giant buat cari jam jengkol yg warnanya norak2 (lg ngetrend di kalangan anak SD...)
sampe di rumah hr jumat itu gw olahraga, makan, ntn the simpsons... trus online. ceritanya sih mau cari soal latian buat lomba besoknya. eh malah keterusan nongkrong di yahoo!answer... jadilah gw baru bc bku yg dikasi jam 10 maleman. uda setengah ketiduran pula. indahnya dunia!

besoknya pas berangkat juga kita tdr di mobil. pokoknya minim persiapan banget kalo dibandingin persiapan ikut pesta sains kemaren deh...

waktu penyisihan mao mulai, baru mulai paniknya. 'tekor juga nih kalo kita kagak lolos!' masing-masing dari kita mikir. sebel banget kalo kali ini ga lolos lagi.buang waktu. buang tenaga. apapun, asal jangan berhenti di babak penyisihan doang. waktu akhirnya diumumin lolos juga kita bengong sekaligus lega. kita batal pulang ke bekasi.trus ada perempat final. perempat final ini semacam lomba cepat tepat, ada pertanyaan mat, kimia, bio, fisika...
beruntung tim gw bertiga lengkap. ada yang pinter mat, fis, kimia bio...akhirnya lolos juga. suatu keajaiban kalo inget persiapan yang cuma 1 hari! tim-tim yang ga lolos waktu diminta komentar paling ngga pasti bilang: kami udah latihan sebulan..........weqz --"

benar-benar campur tangan tuhan. hari itu, kita ga nyangka bakal ga pulang ke bekasi. waktu datang hari itu, kita ga ada niatan mau masuk semifinal, suer. lolos penyisihan juga sukur. tapi malah lolos ke semifinal!

semifinal besoknya kita panas dingin. mubazir banget kalo ga lolos ke final! kita mesti lolos ke final! dan emang kita lolos. HAH!
gw masih inget jurinya bengong2 waktu tau persiapan kita cuma sehari. dan meskipun akhirnya final cuma juara 3 (ga nahan bo lawannya... SMAK 3, dan mereka udah belajar berbulan2) gw ama temen2 gw bangga banget. ini prestasi nasional. banyak peserta yang datang dari luar jawa. dan, ya ampun, persiapan kita cuma 1 hari! rasanya kok ajaib banget! ini kayak mimpi! tampar gw! cubit gw!

oke. rahasianya mungkin bukan bertapa selama 1 hari itu.
kebiasaan aneh gw membaca label-label makanan kemaren bener2 kepake banget.hahahahahahahhahahahaha! menyesalah orang yang ngatain gw aneh gara2 suka memperhatikan label makanan.
lalu manfaat baca koran dan hobi browsing artikel internet juga berasa banget waktu lomba kemaren. ternyata ga sia2 juga bokap gw masang internet di komputer gw! (jd kl buat gw sebetulnya persiapan ga cuma 1 hari doang...)

dan menyesalah yang bilang dian harapan cikarang itu sekolahan payah!

lalu temen gw anak olimpiade math. ini juga orang edan. soal baru ditampilin di layar, dia udah bisa tau jawabannya. sret. ga pernah salah lagi! huahahaha. dia berkontribusi besar buat menjawab soal-soal kalkulus yg kalo gw itung sendiri tentu ga bakal secepet itu. yg lucu itu ekspresi juri kalo temen gw ini jawab soal: muka jurinya dengan jelas mengatakan 'gila! masa dia uda ketemu jawabannya!'. dan membuat peserta lain shock berat gara-gara ga punya celah buat nyela tim gw di soal mat. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAA!!!!!
begitupun adek kelas gw yang fisikanya jauh lebih oke daripada kita kakak-kakak kelasnya......................................................................
klop. dulu juga pernah ada lomba, dan kita bertiga dalam 1 tim. menang juga! kyknya emang klop dipasang bareng2.

meskipun duit hadiahnya buat sekolah, tapi gw ama temen2 gw bener2 bangga bisa bikin prestasi terakhir (yang paling membanggakan) di akhir masa SMA...
(melanjutkan rasa terharu)

hiks...

minority

i don't know. i just need to blabber around here because i have so many to be told.
My friends and i are minority in my class. minority. my peer group consists of 5 girls (six actually, but we're eventually rethinking to count this one too) and we're not all in the same class. three (duh. four?) of us in this class, and the rest goes into that class (completely confidential...). in THAT class, both my friends have no difficulties to blend in. but three of us in THIS class, completely a minority in this class. luckily, we still go along with the majority of this class although we're the type who don't stand out very much.
we're the type who always make our own group, having our own atmosphere, complaining silently if there's anything unpleasant but never complaining about the same things with the majority, and creating our own happiness.
i don't understand why we can't blend into the majority.
even if we can, we don't want to. i never understand the majority. seems like we live in a different world, and we're talking about different things. the boys are talking dirty, and so are the girls. they talk and laugh at things that we think are not funny at all. the girls are pretending to hate the jokes by saying 'what? eey, that's dirty!', but their faces and gestures say 'that's funny. repeat it again.' we find those are disgusting. We would really love to see them laugh frankly at things they think are funny even if those things are inappropriate for educated people to say, because what makes it truly disgusting is the way those girls cover their faces to still be seen as good girls who are not related to dirty jokes. there is even a girl who pretends to know nothing about those things while actually she's the greatest expert of......we know it. they don't need to put on their poker faces.
this is not a generalization, because there are only 15 students in this class. and 3 people really are a minority.
the second reason is we're afraid to go too near with the girls. we have seen one girl that is being disliked very much in this class. in front of this girl, the rest of girls in this class acts friendly like they have nothing against her. but when she leaves, they mock her and badmouth her. girls can be really cruel. we're so tired seeing this scenery. we're watching, but say nothing in reply to their gossips. there was also another girl that they're talking about in the english class. they gathered together while the teacher was not around to talk bad about her; who was absence in sick. they were talking the truth, but the day after they behaved as if there was nothing wrong with the absence girl. we have seen this hypocricy repeatedly, including to teacher. they behave like teacher's pet in front of this teacher, but as the teacher turned over they mock the teacher. sometimes they even invite us to do it too. we're sick of it. we're afraid to be too close to them, because we're afraid they do the same thing to us. we just can't believe them after what they have done. they are such a bunch of hypocrites. we would really love them if they can be honest. say, if you hate someone, behave like you really mean it. don't sugarcoat it. that hurts more. personally i would prefer to be mocked in front of my face rather than have friends who mock me on my back. i would love them to death even if they mock me.
the atmosphere of my class is not too fresh. there is a smell of silent; unhealthy competition inside the class. their faces show expressions as if they don't care about their grades, but atmosphere can't lie. this class is a favorite class with long record of awesome grades. failing grades are almost a shame. because of this, some of them don't mind to cheat. there are two types. some of them still cheats with pride. which is i mean they feel ashamed to be seen cheating so they do it without being known. then they declare the cheating results as their own results. very good. the second type are shameless in cheating. they frankly ask about last day's exam problems together with the answers. anything for good grades. they 'open-mindedly' open their books while doing the exam. they create codes. they force me to sit in particular place to give them answer. well, practically anything.
they get good grades indeed, but what does it mean? great nothing.
i didn't attend the class for one week, preparing for some competition. when i was back in the class, i realized i understand nothing about the topic currently being taught. one of the girl, who often got her cheats from me spoke: ha-ha. felice didn't know anything!
that was not funny.
well, she doesn't mean to mock me, of course. she has no guts to mock me. what could she do without me, looking another friend who wants to give her answers? sure even now i wouldn't give my answers to her. but i often catch her speaks about me in that way. if there is a problem we both can't solve, or if there is something we sucked on it she always tell other people proudly then ask for my own reassurement: even felice can't solve it. or even felice like this, like that... right felice?
what is it? trying to discover my imperfections? i'm not perfect indeed. i don't need her to tell people that i am indeed not perfect.
none of us is willing to ask teacher anymore while there is something we don't understand. i asked my physics teacher once yesterday about things i don't understand, but before my teacher got his chance to answer, most of my classmates were already noisy, turning their head to me, trying to explain the answer of my question together which were actually not helping at all. 'felice, the reason of blah is blah...' while another say 'you don't understand? that's blah, blah,...' and the others say almost the same things.......
i respect their attempts to help me. but PLEASE. i'm asking the TEACHER. ...this class is weird, plain weird.
my friends in minority looked at me in weird way, saying: isnt the teacher suppossed to answer? what's wrong with them?
once, long ago, i also had asked a question in chemistry class and someone answered it before the teacher did. then my chemistry teacher said: shut up; she is asking me, not you!
the class bursted into laughter. i thought that was pretty funny. oh. if only every teacher says that thing...

...
after writing these things, i really feel proud being a minority. being different is a challenge. not everybody can do it...