useless rant

i am not satisfied with the answer 'everything is god's plan'. that's an excuse to everything. if i get one million dollars this morning, that's god's plan. if i bang my head into the wall now and get stitched on my head, that's also god's plan. if i eat too much junk food and later become morbidly obese with several cardiovascular diseases, that's also god's plan. becoming morbidly obese is a god's plan, wow. spiritually speaking, i don't grasp this concept very well. i do believe god exists though, unlike some close minded assumption that people like me are always an atheist (again, what do religious people have against atheists?) there must be a great designer for everything in this universe. it is only i have different views over this creator. for me, this creator is a lot like programmer, the creator's motto is everything happens for a reason. it's a causality. the creator creates complex programming language that includes scientific laws and human free will inside. so the understanding of god's plan is quite different in my mind. god's plan is everything happens for a reason naturally, so there is no such thing as fate. famine and world hunger is the result of former action of nature, so do disasters. there are no such thing as miracle. it is just a sequence of actions and reactions from you, people around you, people everywhere, or anything that results in something you really like. vice versa for bad luck. it's indeed god's plan that i'm morbidly obese from eating so much junkfood, but don't blame god! spiritually speaking, it's our choices that moves god's plan. everything has its consequence. spiritually speaking, i think people's life span are also in God's plan, god gives choices: which life do you want to live? the life that ends after 50 years, 70 years, or anything you like? bah, all these nonsense talking gives me headache.

spiritually speaking...

spiritually speaking is a very popular line among the question askers in yahoo answer. they go like "spiritually speaking,..." then ask something unrelated in religion and spirituality section. i find it funny and offensive in some way. although i mostly answer questions in science and mathematics section (it's a section where best answer is the easiest to earned) my top favorite is religion and spirituality section. it provides cheap and good laughs instantly. sometimes also enlightening.
i have to confess that the r&s section has influenced my views over those kind of things. i had never been a religious person before. i think i would never be. I'm just made not to be religious, if religiosity (is this even a word?!) was ever made to be a genetic traits. I'm just more practical and logical, and also skeptical. my community has never been a heterogenized one, so r&s section is a new thing for me. I've never seen so many believers and non-believers mixed in one place.
i already had a lot of doubts over my i.d. card religion ( i can list a HUNDRED things i doubt ), but i never dare to question about it. i never dare! after i landed in some sort of la-la-land called yahoo answer r&s section, i had to admit that i doubted my belief, indeed. the more i ask, the more questions were created. spiritually speaking, I'm really tired. i want to explore. why can't i explore? i do a lot of thinking. i just found out that I'm not religious, thank you brain.
in the eyes of believers, i am really really lost, possessed by evil spirit, and badly influenced by r&s section.what am i supposed to do if i have a question? research it, right? prove it. my skeptical scientific mind refuses to JUST BELIEVE. my motto is 'prove it'.
i just want to have freedom to define my spirituality. how could religious people be so sure that their religious view are right? faith? what is faith? is it for real or is it just an euphoria? how could i know an answer for a thing for sure if there is no proof? religion is man-made, so spiritually speaking it is...man made. prove it. it is indeed. there is no proof that God exists, there is also no proof that God exists. but i think God exists and i have strong logical proofs for this argument, not from some old tales. i am exploring. where do died people go? are the things inside some book that written thousands of years ago for real or they're no different to nostradamus' prophecy? we can't know for sure. we can't know for sure until we prove it.
spiritually speaking, i'm still exploring! i love this freedom!

after long hiatus

it's been a long time since i wrote my last entry for this journal.
it's not that i don't enjoy writing. i do enjoy writing. i have many excellent ideas for writing topics at times inside my head...it's only that i never poured them out. my mind is always busy with a lot of thinking,inside my mind it is almost like there are a lot of people talking about random things at once (sounds crazy...?)and they are the noisiest when i start to lose concentration on things i shoud put my concentration on...such as school. when i actually have time to write what those noisy people talk about, i already have forgotten the interesting points i've meant to write, have already discussed it with a friend, or just plain have lost interest in that subject. so i just sit here, gazing at the monitor, typing something before hitting the backspace as thinking "this won't do. i'll go to bed."
so now that i've got a notebook, i should be able to express my thoughts in more mobile manner. but well, once again, it depends!