minority

i don't know. i just need to blabber around here because i have so many to be told.
My friends and i are minority in my class. minority. my peer group consists of 5 girls (six actually, but we're eventually rethinking to count this one too) and we're not all in the same class. three (duh. four?) of us in this class, and the rest goes into that class (completely confidential...). in THAT class, both my friends have no difficulties to blend in. but three of us in THIS class, completely a minority in this class. luckily, we still go along with the majority of this class although we're the type who don't stand out very much.
we're the type who always make our own group, having our own atmosphere, complaining silently if there's anything unpleasant but never complaining about the same things with the majority, and creating our own happiness.
i don't understand why we can't blend into the majority.
even if we can, we don't want to. i never understand the majority. seems like we live in a different world, and we're talking about different things. the boys are talking dirty, and so are the girls. they talk and laugh at things that we think are not funny at all. the girls are pretending to hate the jokes by saying 'what? eey, that's dirty!', but their faces and gestures say 'that's funny. repeat it again.' we find those are disgusting. We would really love to see them laugh frankly at things they think are funny even if those things are inappropriate for educated people to say, because what makes it truly disgusting is the way those girls cover their faces to still be seen as good girls who are not related to dirty jokes. there is even a girl who pretends to know nothing about those things while actually she's the greatest expert of......we know it. they don't need to put on their poker faces.
this is not a generalization, because there are only 15 students in this class. and 3 people really are a minority.
the second reason is we're afraid to go too near with the girls. we have seen one girl that is being disliked very much in this class. in front of this girl, the rest of girls in this class acts friendly like they have nothing against her. but when she leaves, they mock her and badmouth her. girls can be really cruel. we're so tired seeing this scenery. we're watching, but say nothing in reply to their gossips. there was also another girl that they're talking about in the english class. they gathered together while the teacher was not around to talk bad about her; who was absence in sick. they were talking the truth, but the day after they behaved as if there was nothing wrong with the absence girl. we have seen this hypocricy repeatedly, including to teacher. they behave like teacher's pet in front of this teacher, but as the teacher turned over they mock the teacher. sometimes they even invite us to do it too. we're sick of it. we're afraid to be too close to them, because we're afraid they do the same thing to us. we just can't believe them after what they have done. they are such a bunch of hypocrites. we would really love them if they can be honest. say, if you hate someone, behave like you really mean it. don't sugarcoat it. that hurts more. personally i would prefer to be mocked in front of my face rather than have friends who mock me on my back. i would love them to death even if they mock me.
the atmosphere of my class is not too fresh. there is a smell of silent; unhealthy competition inside the class. their faces show expressions as if they don't care about their grades, but atmosphere can't lie. this class is a favorite class with long record of awesome grades. failing grades are almost a shame. because of this, some of them don't mind to cheat. there are two types. some of them still cheats with pride. which is i mean they feel ashamed to be seen cheating so they do it without being known. then they declare the cheating results as their own results. very good. the second type are shameless in cheating. they frankly ask about last day's exam problems together with the answers. anything for good grades. they 'open-mindedly' open their books while doing the exam. they create codes. they force me to sit in particular place to give them answer. well, practically anything.
they get good grades indeed, but what does it mean? great nothing.
i didn't attend the class for one week, preparing for some competition. when i was back in the class, i realized i understand nothing about the topic currently being taught. one of the girl, who often got her cheats from me spoke: ha-ha. felice didn't know anything!
that was not funny.
well, she doesn't mean to mock me, of course. she has no guts to mock me. what could she do without me, looking another friend who wants to give her answers? sure even now i wouldn't give my answers to her. but i often catch her speaks about me in that way. if there is a problem we both can't solve, or if there is something we sucked on it she always tell other people proudly then ask for my own reassurement: even felice can't solve it. or even felice like this, like that... right felice?
what is it? trying to discover my imperfections? i'm not perfect indeed. i don't need her to tell people that i am indeed not perfect.
none of us is willing to ask teacher anymore while there is something we don't understand. i asked my physics teacher once yesterday about things i don't understand, but before my teacher got his chance to answer, most of my classmates were already noisy, turning their head to me, trying to explain the answer of my question together which were actually not helping at all. 'felice, the reason of blah is blah...' while another say 'you don't understand? that's blah, blah,...' and the others say almost the same things.......
i respect their attempts to help me. but PLEASE. i'm asking the TEACHER. ...this class is weird, plain weird.
my friends in minority looked at me in weird way, saying: isnt the teacher suppossed to answer? what's wrong with them?
once, long ago, i also had asked a question in chemistry class and someone answered it before the teacher did. then my chemistry teacher said: shut up; she is asking me, not you!
the class bursted into laughter. i thought that was pretty funny. oh. if only every teacher says that thing...

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after writing these things, i really feel proud being a minority. being different is a challenge. not everybody can do it...